We should make clear that, despite the current ambiguity about gender roles--and their pervasiveness in our lives--clashing gender-role expectations are not the only underlying factor in marital strife, and each couple's assortment of gender-related challenges is unique. Nor can the Gendergram help individuals or couples up against forces of the larger society--like sexual harassment at the workplace. Nevertheless, we believe there is room for optimism. If men and women are willing to invest in their own personal growth and in their relationships, things will get better. We introduced the Gendergram as a means to this end.
QUESTIONS FOR THE GENDERGRAM
1. In what ways have these people had a lasting influence on how you view yourself as a woman or man?
2. How did changes in your physical appearance, whether due to maturation, accidents, or illness, influence how you felt about yourself as a man or woman?
3. What did you learn about your sexuality during this time? How did you learn it?
4. In what ways did what you learn impact your definition of yourself as a woman or man?
5. What spiritual/religious influences were important to you at this time and how have they informed your feelings about yourself as a man or woman?
6. Describe the emotional climate of your home during this time?
7. How was affection expressed between women? Between men? Between women and men? Between parents/adults and children?
8. How was conflict handled?
9. Did men and women express the same emotions differently?
10. How secure did you feel when you were at home?
11. How was conformity to your family's gender norms rewarded? How was nonconformity punished?
12. What did men/women in your family do at this time in the family? At work? In the community? For recreation? As disciplinarians? In general?
The Gendergram Form
NAME: SUSAN BARNETT DATE:/1/30/95 SAME/OTHER
RELEVANT INFORMATION
* Born in Sacramento, CA.
* Morn worked part-time three evenings/week; Dad managed house then.
* Both parents took care of house and yard. Dad taught me to cook.
* Loved brother, James, four years older; nice to me most of time.
* Grandpa Richards lived across the country; he and Grandma visited every year; he spoiled me.
* Had good friend, Ricky. After age eight, other kids teased us for spending time together; we stopped doing things together.
* Took private trumpet lessons. Teacher, Mr. Cosini, was very strict, really pushed me to excel. I did.
* My parents, especially Dad, were proud of me when I did well, disappointed when I didn't. So I tried to do my best to please him.
ROLES/PATTERNS/THEMES
* Men share in managing household responsibilities and child care.
* Men are nurturing.
* Men treat women as equals and with. respect.
* Beyond a certain age, boys and girls tend not to get along.
* Men encourage women to do their best.
NAME: ALEX BARNETT DATE: 11/30/95 SAME/OTHER
RELEVANT INFORMATION
* Born in Columbus, OH.
* Family moves soon after to Cleveland because of Dad's new job.
* Spent a lot of time with Grandpa Barnett as we lived just down the street from them. We were very close.
* Dad very busy with his new job, didn't see him much.
* Enjoyed visits by Uncle Karl; he was so crazy, although i didn't get to spend as much time with him as I would have liked.
* My cousin Michael was my hero; he died when I was nine in an automobile accident. He tried to outrun a train in his sports car.
ROLES/PATTERNS/THEMES
* Men aren't home much.
* Men contribute to their family by working hard and providing for them.
* Men don't do housework.
* Older men are free to be nurturant and care for children.
* Men take risks.
* Sometimes men's risk taking is fun, other times stupid and dangerous.
* Men are often rowdy, loud, and fun to be with.
Tags:
1950's,
conflict,
contemporary society,
gender,
gender relations,
household,
interchange,
marriage,
pathways,
pizza,
relationship,
roles,
spheres,
third time,
women and men
