Flying dreams, by contrast, are usually exhilarating. In these we
escape the laws of gravity and the demands of the waking world. While we
dream, we are above it all. These often accompany a "good" crisis, when
we feel pride in accomplishment. We feel pleased with ourselves, "high"
in self-esteem, superior to others. Anxious flying dreams are close to
falling dreams -- they arise from concern for our physical safety. We
need to be aware of whether the image is positive or negative to
understand its meaning.
o Being chased or embraced -- In chase dreams, the danger comes
from other people and warns us that they might not always be trustworthy.
Some current crisis may be stirring up feelings we had in childhood, such
as the expectation of being punished or caught in a lie. We may try to
call for help but cannot make a sound. We try to run but cannot move. We
are helpless to alter circumstances or protect ourselves from those who
intend to do us harm.
Being embraced is exactly the opposite and is usually a positive
event, a way of reaffirming to ourselves, "There are people whom I can
trust." Sexual images may relate to many kinds of feelings, both positive
and negative. Attaining satisfaction from others or being at their mercy
are only two of the possible themes of sex dreams.
o Failing or winning -- In failing dreams, the negative feelings
are our own fault. We let ourselves down. These are often dreams of
self-doubt or self-reproach. We didn't do all we could have to prevent
some bad event.
The flip-side of this dream is one of success. We discard our
self-doubt and accomplish an important task. We may even dream of being
more able than we really are, doing something we don't truly know how to
do -- fly a plane or play the piano.
o Ashamed or proud -- In social embarrassment dreams, we are caught
naked where everyone can see or find ourselves in a bathroom for the
opposite sex. These may be dreams of shame and exposure to the ridicule
of others. In such dreams, we may be both literally and metaphorically
caught with our pants down. These are more common when we are worried
about being seen as we really are, before a job interview or an important
date, for example.
Dreams of glory sparkle with pride. We win a gold medal at the
Olympics or perform at the Metropolitan Opera. Sleep researcher Allan
Rechtschaffen relates this dream: "I invented a device to stop war -- at
the touch of a button, I could put everyone to sleep until they got over
their urge to fight." He awoke with a great feeling of
accomplishment.
HELPING CHILDREN TO LEARN FROM THEIR DREAMS
Common problems we all face in growing up -- learning to protect
ourselves from physical injury, coping with hostility, learning to live
with our own upsetting feelings -- fuel the creation of our early dream
images. We cannot shield children from accidents, injuries, or pain, but
we can be alert to the dreams these events leave behind, the stories that
need better endings.
We can encourage children to share their dreams, especially their
nightmares. We can familiarize ourselves with how they handle the
problems that we expect to show up in dreams. If they are falling, we can
help them learn to fly; if monsters chase them, we can teach ways to tame
the savage beasts.
Some children relate their dreams better by drawing them. In her
book Nightmare Help, Anne Wiseman suggests using drawings to help your
child master the conflicts the dream expresses. Once the monster is down
on paper, you can encourage the child to draw a cage around it, for
example. Children need to know they don't have to face their troubles all
alone.
Wiseman reports that her own son had bad dreams about their house
burning down. Her husband suggested to the boy that next time he had one
of these dreams, he put the fire out. One morning the boy came to
breakfast full of excitement. He did it. He put the fire out! When his
parents asked him how, he said proudly, "I peed on it." They may have
traded one nighttime problem for another!
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