I'm 21 and my husband is 40 and a ballroom dance instructor. I think he may be cheating on me. Lately, he doesn't want to wear his wedding ring; he doesn't want sex or even to touch me; he spends less and less time with me. His ex-girlfriend told me he cheated on her and was emotionally abusive to her and her son. She also told me he's still seeing other women now. I like to talk things out. When he calls me a hurtful name and I tell him it hurts my feelings, he says, "Let me go make a list of things that hurt your feelings."
It's hard to feel married when only one of you acts married. You're in the wrong relationship with the wrong character in the wrong business. Your husband feels exempt from the basic rule of such a relationship—exclusivity—and is perpetually in a position to take other women in his arms, literally. This is not a one-time thing; it's a pattern. What's worse is that your husband is not merely abusive but he lacks empathy for you and your feelings. He taunts and belittles you and then is incapable of either understanding your pain or feeling remorse for the hurtful things he says when feeling threatened. Further, he's more inclined to confide in his ex than in you. This is not a question ever to be asked lightly, but what is the point of being married to such a person? There doesn't seem to be any time for discussion or room for growth in your relationship—except apart. You married at a very young age, and your judgment of character needs much more road-testing before it is capable of making big life decisions. Also, you would do well to ask yourself what impelled you to marry at such a young age. If you were looking for excitement, you certainly looked in the wrong place, or at least for the wrong kind. You would be better off without such a partner, and it is especially important that you consider such a decision before you even think of having children. If you find yourself unhappy now, you'd feel far more isolated and powerless if you had an infant to care for. Don't even waste your energy kissing this cad good-bye or trying to talk out what bothers you. But be sure not to rush into another relationship; you need plenty of time to develop your own sense of self.
