I thought everything was fine in my relationship until my boyfriend of three years hinted that he wants us to start swinging as a couple. He wants us to go to swinger clubs where others can watch us having sex together. When I tell him that idea makes me uncomfortable, he tells me I've got sexual hang-ups. Is it just his way of telling me he's tired of our relationship?
No, it's his way of saying that he needs more excitement, and swinging may be the only means he can think of. Under no circumstances should you agree to go along with anything just to keep him happy if it makes you uncomfortable. Your interests and attitudes deserve as much attention in the relationship as his do. And that's really what all differences between partners come down to—how you handle the discrepancies between what you want and what he wants. Going along with something that bothers you, for whatever reason—and you don't have to be morally opposed to swinging to find it objectionable—makes you disrespect yourself and resent your partner; over time, it is corrosive to a relationship. There's no way to get around issues of difference except through honest, loving conversation in which you find out from Swingboy why he's interested in group sex and what he hopes to get out of it. Perhaps he is one of those people who has a low threshold for boredom and routine in general, and thinks that adding a third (and perhaps a fourth) party would liven things up. Or maybe he feels that performing intimate acts under the watchful eyes of others would rev up his own level of excitement. If so, your conversation needs to focus on all the many other possible ways the two of you can spice up your sex life without inviting in the neighbors, which definitely does detract from the intimacy. Whatever ways of adding novelty that you and Swingboy come up with are between you and him, but they must feel comfortable for you both.
