My boyfriend, 50, wants to start a business and, despite the economy, I would start it with him immediately if things between us were perfect. We both work in finance and for the past 25 years he has been so committed to work that his previous marriage dissolved. Another result of his lifestyle of overdedication to work is that he doesn't have great interpersonal skills. He has never really related to anyone. He also does certain things that betray my trust. He doesn't act as part of a team but as an individual, trying to claw his way to the top, which he has achieved. His poor communication skills and inability to cooperate suggest problems ahead, were we to work together, and I feel vaguely uneasy. What future problems may I be overlooking?
It's not future problems that you may be overlooking but existing ones. The traits of your boyfriend that now concern you with regard to a joint business venture are probably already impacting your personal life and creating your "vague unease." It's difficult to enjoy any relationship if one partner refuses to play on the team and then doesn't communicate. Perhaps it is already saddling you with total responsibility for your relationship, rather than the 50-50 balance that is usually more rewarding. These are not mere "lifestyle" issues amenable to a flip of circumstances; they likely reflect ingrained personality traits. In fact, you probably have things backwards about your boyfriend's past (and present). His overdedication to work is not likely the cause of his social deficits but the result; it may reflect a deliberate effort to avoid the social arena. Despite the high price he's paid for such dedication—his prior marriage—he is able to maintain a primary source of self-esteem, his work success.
