According to Japanese neuroscientist Hidehiko Takahashi, envy activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the site where cognitive conflicts of social pain are processed, and the stronger the emotion, the greater the activation. "We usually have a positive self-concept, and we experience discomfort when we perform in a way that violates this self-concept," Takahashi reports in Science. "The anterior cingulate cortex is activated when this positive self-concept conflicts with external information."
Neuroimaging is only at the earliest stages of investigation of jealousy. In a 2006 study, reported in NeuroImage, Takahashi found some significant sex differences in the neural response to statements depicting sexual and emotional infidelity. In men, jealousy activates the amygdala and hypothalamus, regions rich in testosterone receptors and involved in sexual and aggressive behavior. In women, by contrast, especially in response to thoughts of emotional infidelity, activation was greater in the posterior superior temporal sulcus, a region implicated in detection of intention, deception, and trustworthiness as well as violation of social norms. The greater activation elicited by emotional infidelity in females, Takahashi reported, suggests that they are particularly sensitive to changes of a partner's mind.
The emotional sensitivity of women may explain why their jealousy is not limited to romantic relationships. Women experience the upsetting emotion in female friendships as well, feeling anger, loss, and betrayal when a friend defects or pays more attention to a female interloper. "They're in competition for alliances with each other a lot more than males are," says Stosny.
Relationships end. Divorce is a reality. And situations that give rise to mate poaching are not going away anytime soon. Over 50 percent of males and females report having tried to steal a friend's partner. "You can't eliminate loss," says Stosny. But secure people can handle disappointment without feeling like a total loser. The only way to eliminate the pain of loss is to eliminate value, and you can't do that because then life would not be worth living."—Hara Estroff Marano
Jealousy as a Test of Affection
A little pang can go a long way.
Once jealousy took up residence in the repertoire of human emotions, who was to say it couldn't be used strategically? In fact, reports University of Texas psychologist David Buss, 40 percent of women deliberately provoke a bit of jealousy in a partner to get a reading on the strength of the bond. (Men do it too, but not nearly as often as women.) It can also up one's desirability in a mate's eyes.
Because jealousy, especially in the early stages of a relationship, correlates with caring, deliberately provoking it can be a way of testing whether it's safe to invest more emotion. "If your partner doesn't respond," says Steven Stosny, "then it's not safe."
Common tactics include talking about an ex or another guy in the presence of a partner, talking to another man at a party or actually even dating another guy, and talking about attractions to other men. There are sins of commission: Women are not above dressing highly provocatively when going out with friends or lying about being attracted to another man. And there are sins of omission: deliberately failing to answer a phone call from a boyfriend to make him think she's out with someone else.
The surprise is how easy it is to trip the male jealousy switch. "A lot of times men aren't even aware of the emotional manipulation," says Buss.
And nothing is more effective than flirting with another man, as simple as flashing a smile, a signal men invariably read as sexual while women do not. There's very little risk. It's hard to blame a woman for "just being polite" or "friendly."
Women are also likely to provoke a little jealousy when they perceive a partner is less committed to the relationship than they are. The aim is to alter their partners' perception of how desirable they are.
"No one wants to be with someone whom no one else wants," says Buss. "If no one else wants them, people start taking each other for granted."
What to Say When Suspicion Strikes
There are steps either partner can take to contain jealousy and keep it from wrecking a relationship. Marriage and family therapist Lori Gordon offers several suggestions.
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