Daniel Miller* is one in a million—or actually one in 2 million. Miller is among the 2 million compulsive hoarders in the U.S., and his home is filled with wilting plants and garage sale fodder. After a decade of patience and gentle suggestions, Miller's family is desperate for him to get help. What can be done? Can Miller be forced into treatment?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately one out of every four Americans over the age of 18 suffers from some type of mental disorder. Some may not realize they have a problem, while others (like Miller) resist therapy and medication despite their known condition. The friends and family of such a person may encourage their loved one to seek treatment, but that decision is ultimately a personal one.
There are a few exceptions: If someone is posing an immediate threat to the safety of himself or others, or has lost touch with reality to the extent that he can no longer care for himself, the law may intervene and mandate treatment. This may involve the administration of psychotropic medication, inpatient care, outpatient therapy, or some combination of the three. In the event that a mental condition moves someone to break the law, he may opt for compulsory treatment in lieu of jail time.
The law intervenes to a point; after that family and friends step in. Some people spend years trying to convince a mentally ill loved one to seek help for a condition that, while not imminently dangerous, is severely damaging. From compulsive hoarding to purging to avoidant tendencies, such behaviors are perpetuated because they reduce discomfort and anxiety. When a sufferer disregards a loved one's request for change, it is not done out of insensitivity, disrespect, or laziness. A binge eater is a victim of chemical imbalances the same way a cancer patient is a victim of cell mutations—mental conditions are physical phenomena just like other illnesses.
To encourage treatment, start by increasing your support of a mentally ill loved one. While withdrawing affection or using tough love may evoke initial change, it can also cause resentment, stress, and an increase in disordered behavior. Instead, calm discussion and genuine understanding may work best. Confess your own anxieties (we all have them) to better connect with your loved one.
Does therapy or medication scare your friend? She may lack faith in the efficacy of such treatment, or fear losing her true personality to mind-dulling medications. Your friend may also fear the stigma of entering treatment. Offer to accompany your friend to group therapy; recovery will seem less daunting once she realizes there are others with her condition.
It may help to enlist a therapist of your own; someone you can talk to about your loved one. This is a healthy way to let out your frustrations, judgments, and sadness without making your loved one feel guilty or rejected. Remember that recovery may involve setbacks as well as improvements. Remain loyal to your friend throughout the process and don't punish her by withdrawing affection.
In the end, every person chooses his own life path. This includes treatment decisions. You can't force a friend with a sprained ankle to go to the doctor, and you can't force a friend with a sprained brain to see a therapist.
*Name has been changed
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