My parents have been together for 28 years, and my mother recently confessed how bumpy the marriage has been. They seemed happy after my brother and I moved out, but this year they have been fighting constantly and relish their time apart. I'm scared they may be considering a separation.
To help your parents you have to get yourself in emotional shape. Separation may not be a happy or enriching outcome, but it is a possibility, and it's worth knowing why it feels so threatening. Disappointment and sadness are understandable, but why fear? Do you fear that one or both parents will be unable to live successfully on their own? Is it financially threatening to their future—or yours? Will it undermine your ability to form relationships?
Tell your parents you have some important things to discuss with them together. They don't have to talk to each other, but do set some ground rules: Everyone has to be civil, and no airing of intimate problems. Having reduced your own anxiety will make it possible for you to be available to hear what your parents have to say.
