Body Image at Age 6

Too concerned about appearance at too young an age.

By Nando Pelusi, published on August 25, 2008 - last reviewed on September 29, 2008

My 6-year-old daughter asked me to remove the hair above her lip. I tried to talk to her about a healthy self-image, but she says she just doesn't like it. Should I be concerned that she is overly concerned about her appearance? She has had issues with blemishes on her face and what she wears. I try my best to instill in her the importance of loving who she is naturally, but this has me puzzled.

In addition to the media messages that pressure young girls to look perfect, they also get powerful cues from peers. Self-consciousness is at its peak around puberty, so your six-year old shows a precocious awareness of what others might think when they look at her. In moderation, this could help a child navigate the social requirements that will increase throughout his or her grade school years. However, if your daughter has perfectionistic tendencies, she may refuse any deviation from how she thinks she "should" be.

Inquire about whether one of her peers has been talking about procedures like bleaching or electrolysis. These cosmetic procedures are discussed at home, and kids talk about them in school. Encourage your daughter to be patient with her body. My guess is that this concern of hers will dissipate.

A physician can assess whether there actually exists any unusual hair growth (often called idiopathic hirsutism) and whether it is temporary. If you can show her that she is a growing and changing person, she might be more patient with an imagined imperfection.

Looking and feeling good are desirable, but keep the dialogue open with her about an over-concern with appearances. Talk about where that line is, the line where concern morphs into perfectionism. Most of all, ask gentle but consistent questions, so that she knows she can be open with you about her physical concerns.