Neanderthink: Love's Plan B

What to Do with a Plan-B Relationship

• Throw yourself into your primary relationship.
• Cast a vote of confidence in your relationship by publicly proclaiming it. You don't have to jump on Oprah's couch like Tom Cruise, but public pronouncements carry social power.
• Desire for a perfect mate may keep you assessing prospects—but don't confuse this inclination with a lack of basic satisfaction with your extant mate.
• Smile, relax, and actively love your mate as he or she is. Those who act lovingly start feeling more love.

If You're Left Waiting in the Wings

• If you're the mate-in-a-box, limit the amount of time you're willing to wait—and stick to your deadline for a resolution. Enlist a friend to monitor your progress.
• Accept the short-term hassles of moving on, and embrace the options you have been forgoing.
• Throw down an ultimatum: Only a showdown will get things moving.
• If within your time period, say, three months—the person does not make you their primary mate, focus on new opportunities.