Researchers in Turkey recently set out to explore whether men should be concerned about a slack pelvic floor in their partner after delivery. For a study reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine this year, they had new fathers fill out a sexual satisfaction questionnaire about areas of sexual functioning, including frequency of intercourse, communication, and erectile function. It even asked the question, "Do you ever happen to think your spouse's vagina is so loose that it affects your sexual pleasure?" Their wives had either had an elective cesarean or a vaginal birth with an episiotomy (in Turkey the episiotomy rate is 100 percent.) The bottom line: The guys' complaints had no correlation with mode of delivery. But they can still feel their wife's pain empathetically.
A Room with a View What about the effect of witnessing childbirth on a man's attraction to his partner? For some men, a very intimate body part can become completely desexualized. Or they see someone they cherish dramatically sliced open. In either case, they can then associate their partners with a disturbing and gruesome scene. Occasionally therapists hear cases of lost lust and flashbacks to the Alien movies, but Pastore says male regret is rare. "I think that most men are absolutely thrilled to be in the delivery room and do not find it to be a sexual turnoff." If you can stomach it, get in there and absorb every minute.
The Bottom Line There are lots of factors to consider when planning a delivery, from cosmetic worries (how will I look in a bikini?), to problems with incontinence, to matters of life and death for the mother and child. Among these concerns, sexual health should not be neglected.—Matthew Huston
Four Tips for Improving Postpartum Playtime
- Before birth: Rub it in. A recent review of studies involving 2,434 women found that perineal massage once or twice a week for the last month of pregnancy reduces the likelihood of perineal trauma (a rip or the need for a cut) among first-time mothers.
- During birth: Push when you feel like it. Directed pushing refers to pushing and breathing when told to do so. In spontaneous pushing, the woman bears down when she feels the urge. Although spontaneous pushing takes longer, research shows it's more likely to preserve an intact perineum.
- After birth: Do your exercises. Postpartum Kegels are beneficial, whether after a cesarean section or a vaginal delivery. You'll be more comfortable in bed without the fear of leaking gas or urine, and better control over those pelvic muscles just might intensify orgasm.
- During sex: Don't rush into it. "Trust your instincts with your own healing," Pastore says. Everyone is different. "The biggest message to give women," she adds, "is to feel free to use vaginal lube and don't feel guilt over it."
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