Personality

Field Guide to the People-Pleaser: May I Serve as Your Doormat?

Why are some people so focused on pleasing others that they sacrifice their own needs?
By Elizabeth Svoboda, published on May 01, 2008 - last reviewed on July 08, 2008
  • Stall for time. If someone puts you on the spot, politely defer: "I'll check my calendar and get back to you tomorrow." Then you can assess whether the request fits in with your schedule and goals.
  • Examine your motivations. People-pleasing seems like the epitome of niceness, but pleasers may assume their submissive postures because of what they expect in return. If you grant someone a favor, do it because it fulfills you—not to get something back.
  • Role-play to practice asserting your needs. Get a friend to play a pushy boss, parent, or acquaintance—whoever triggers your people-pleasing. Then practice saying no to unreasonable requests until it starts to feel natural.
Tags: approval, committees, emory university, family member, field guide, girls, havoc, people pleaser, pushover, seeds, self sabotage, validation

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