Neanderthink: The Ups and Downs of Ambition

You can get stronger when defeated if you learn to feel bad without feeling like all is lost.
By Nando Pelusi, published on May 01, 2008 - last reviewed on June 03, 2008

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  • Make A List: If a goal seems unreachable, first describe it as objectively as possible to yourself. Write down a list of its advantages and disadvantages (a hedonic calculus).
  • Don't globalize: See that getting down about getting down is a second-order trap. Helplessness results from taking any defeat too seriously—and generalizing it to your entire existence.
  • Know Your Tendencies: Accept the existence of an involuntary all-or-nothing defeat strategy as a legacy from evolution—without giving in to it.
  • Seize the Challenge: See frustration as the way to keep getting stronger, rather than as something that has to bring you down.
  • Take the Long View: Defeats are usually temporary and their effects short-lived. The battle is not the war.
Tags: access to power, ambition, binary choice, calculus, corrective feedback, defeat, determination, drubbing, fine tune, forties, frustrations, helplessness, high stakes, hopeless, human existence, human history, insubordination, recovering from a breakup, resilience, self assurance, setback, time life

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