Advice: Helping Sis Drop the Excess Pounds

I adore my sister. She is my best friend. But I worry about her, as she is overweight. If I lived near her, I would ask her to walk with me every night. But I'm not sure what to do from so far away.

You want your sister to exercise and to stay healthy. That's a great goal. However, is it also her goal? You may want to establish a venue of communication that allows this topic to get addressed. Is she open to talking about health, exercise, and eating well?

Your sister may misinterpret your anxiety as disapproval. Therefore, demonstrate unconditional acceptance of her exactly as she is and respect for her situation. However, also embrace the fact that you have a right to communicate your own sisterly concerns. You're not being pushy—you're concerned, and merely expressing your desire for her to stay as healthy as she can.

Once you've established this topic as a valid one for her, and that she can trust you to accept her regardless of her performance, you can suggest clear goals for eating and exercise. Establish agreed upon goals for each other. Reveal some struggle that you want help with. This disclosure can invite her to open up. That way it is reciprocal: You want help with x, and you'll help her with y.

She may not want to hear you. Immediately accept any resistance from her, and back off. It is important for you to demonstrate respect and understanding of how difficult weight loss can be. Weight loss is as much psychological and physiological in that it takes a long-range goal constantly in mind, and a short-range decision to forego caloric foods right in front of us. It also requires a sensible amount of exercise.

It is important to distinguish being overweight from being obese. The evidence is in regarding obesity, and there are no questions about its health risks and psychological stresses. The evidence is not as clear for being merely overweight, defined as having up to 20 pounds over the recommended weight. (Obviously, gender and age are factors in constituting one's appropriate weight, and a physician can help determine this.)

Regular contact with you, via e-mail or phone, can make her transition from sedentary to active an easier one. Just as technology can be our enemy (fast foods filled with fat, salt and sugar around the corner), it can be our friend: A cell-phone can allow you to have a walking date almost wherever you both are.