My 23-year-old son was diagnosed with schizophrenia a while ago, but I did not know this until he attempted suicide. I have been in shock and terribly upset ever since. He isolates himself and does not often answer my phone calls. I also cannot shake the resulting depression I have been feeling. I believe, from what I have read, that I am responsible for what he is going through. I left his father when he was 14 and he took it hard. I hate myself for putting him through such a terrible ordeal and totally blame myself for the manifestation of this ugly illness. How do I help him and how do I help myself?
First, recognize that you are not responsible for your son's symptoms of schizophrenia. It is simply not your fault. Considerable research has shown that a parent is not responsible for a child's emotional or psychological well-being; past opposing theories were based on faulty premises and are remnants of Freudianism. Research has explored the various biochemical imbalances to which humans are prone, and as a result parental cause for these symptoms has been completely removed. We can say conclusively that your son's experiences, resulting from your leaving his father, have nothing to do with his current problems.
Therefore, work on giving up the tendency to hate yourself for something you could not and did not cause. Also, there is very little evidence that you could have prevented his symptoms. The literature is rife with examples of individuals who exhibit psychological distress yet come from supportive environments. Also, people who are well-adjusted and show no psychological abnormality often emerge from very difficult and frustrating environments.
His symptoms will make it hard for you to connect with him at times. Most symptoms of schizophrenia are recurrent but not chronically present. He may be more receptive on certain days than on others. If he refuses to speak with you now, he may be open to you later, or perhaps to someone else.
Schizophrenic patients sometimes have emotional problems about their perceptual problems. That is, they feel ashamed or depressed about their schizophrenia. Like anyone else, they can be aware of their own functioning to a degree. Your son may benefit from a combination of medication and psychotherapy. The medication may allay some of the cognitive "noise" that confuses or distorts his perceptual and evaluative abilities. But psychotherapy can help him build emotional muscle to deal with depression, shame, anger, or hopelessness about getting better.
Help your son by first helping yourself: don't get depressed about something you have no control over. Remember that there are treatments for various types of thought disorders—especially emotional disorders. Arming yourself with awareness can help you continue to be his ally.
Tags:
abnormality,
biochemical imbalances,
cause,
faulty premises,
literature,
manifestation,
ordeal,
parenting,
psychotherapy,
remnants,
schizophrenia,
shock,
supportive environments,
symptoms of schizophrenia,
tendency,
theory
