I have a five-year-old grandson who has been snitching on his younger friends and cousins. His mother has talked to him about this and has noticed that his friends are backing away from him. She is unable to stop him. Is there any advice as to what she can do to help her five-year-old.
Your grandson is giving about as clear a signal as it gets that he needs attention. Not a talking to about misbehavior. But genuine, unfettered, for-him-only positive attention from his mother. Every child needs some. He probably doesn't need a lot of it, but if he felt he had more of it, he wouldn't need to rat on those who are stealing from him the time and attention of his beloved mother. It may be that by the end of the day she is just too exhausted to give her son some exclusive time. But he needs it. Perhaps mother and son can build in a little bedtime ritual that involves just the two of them, perhaps some reading and talk time. The important thing is that this time is set aside every day, that it occurs as reliably as sunrise and sunset so your grandson can come to count on it, and that—and this is really important—it is 15 or 20 minutes with no other demands on either of them. Mom can't be doing one or two other things. It is time she shares only with her son. If a child knows he has access to his parent—a signal that he is loved and proof that his needs matter and will get attended to—then there is not the need to engage in behaviors designed to, from his perspective, enhance his status at the expense of others. Children are amazing little creatures. Like all of us, even their misbehaviors serve a purpose. It is the obligation of the parent to figure out what that purpose is. And it is especially important not to reward the misbehavior—"tattle telling"—with attention, which, unfortunately, your daughter is doing. Further, from your grandson's perspective, being "talked to" about "tattle telling" is only compounding the crime already committed against him. He's getting chewed out for wanting an expression of love from his mother. When your daughter begins giving a little exclusive positive attention to her son, perhaps they can use some of their talk time to come up with some really good and fun ways he can signal that he needs some Mommy time (without having to resort to putting other people down).
