I am currently struggling emotionally with the fact that my only child has just graduated and will be going to college this fall. She is going to a college in our town and will be living at home. But I am having trouble letting go. My husband is a truck driver and on the road a lot so it has always been her and me. We have been through a lot together but I know I need to let go. I am struggling. I have had breast and thyroid cancers, and she was always there for me. I have always been there for her especially when her dad couldn't. Now all I want to do is cry, sleep, or be sad. I don't want to go anywhere and I am terribly grumpy. My husband says I just need to be happy. I am an insecure person, which probably doesn't help matters. What can I do to help me let go? How do I stop myself from feeling so depressed? I have colitis but only have trouble when I am really stressed.
It's possible that you're experiencing several issues at once:
First, you're seeing your daughter's adventure as a loss, and that you need to "let go" of her. That's a very one-dimensional way of thinking about a potentially good development for you both. Plus, you're using a harsh tone of voice with yourself in thinking about this issue. I recommend that you rethink the concept of "letting go." You aren't letting go; you're going to watch your daughter blossom into her own self and enter a new relationship with you.
Second, it's possible that you're facing the idea of being alone, or at least the challenge of making new acquaintances, and scaring yourself about it. Note that I said idea of being alone. Usually, it's not solitude that we dislike—it's what we tell ourselves, and what we envision, about that solitude that distresses us. If you see this as an opportunity to grow (and to have an adult relationship with your daughter) it can be positive.
Third, you sound like you're feeling both hurt for yourself and then ashamed because you "should" be happy about your only child expanding her life. There's no reason why you should be happy—but also no reason you shouldn't feel concerned. Concern is quite different from being needy. Change can be challenging, but it does not have to lead to physical stresses.
Working to really be happy about what is coming—and acting as a good role model for your daughter—can help you both build a new relationship (and not pine about the end of the one you had).
If your husband and your daughter are your only contacts it would be good for you (and them) to take some risks and get more involved with others. This could mean going to the public library and seeing what local gatherings might interest you, taking a course, or learning more about yourself by experiencing new events. That's the way to become more secure. You're not letting go—you're growing a new relationship.
Tags:
adult child,
adult relationship,
blossom,
breast,
dad,
distresses,
empty nest,
friends,
going to college,
insecure person,
living at home,
lonely,
new acquaintances,
social,
thyroid
