When Persona Aces Person

Even better, it gives each of us a place to hide out from our own emotional storms. In your heart you may be the guy whose fiancee bolted; but in the public arena of the workplace, you are Sales Manager or Production Supervisor. Wearing those job titles keeps you cheerful, contained, and focused on the task. Professional distance often provides a vacation from your own inner turmoil, allowing you to return to your private self refreshed.

Like so many things, the appropriate line between professional and personal is a matter of judgment and balance. A company that picks up your dirty laundry is a pleasure; a colleague who airs his dirty laundry is a pain. Maybe we could all make the time to tell the difference.

Putting Aside the Mask

Sometimes life is all too real and there's no hiding it. By and large, though, we all have some choice in how much of ourselves we show in our roles.

Here are some guidelines:

• Take your self-disclosure cues from your corporate culture. Some environments button down personality as much as others restrict wardrobe.
• Level of organization matters too. The real you connects with peers more readily; the professional you shows up in your boss' office for a long time before the rest of you is invited in.
• Location, location, location. Work is mainly a place for work. Your kid's two-day suspension, your irritation with the marketing director, can all be shared with trusted co-workers—but that sharing is best done outside the workplace. Hallways have ears. But a nearby lunch spot is a great time and place to gripe, gossip, and generally enjoy human connection.
• If you never remove your professional mask (you know who you are), you have the opposite problem. Your professional distance makes it impossible for co-workers to connect with an authentic person. Especially if you are in a management position, coax yourself out of your defensive shell. It's the man or woman behind the mask who inspires a staff.