Even the most die-hard loners sometimes need to emerge from their self-imposed cocoons. Here are some baby steps:
- Volunteer.
Many loners report that worrying about what others think of them is among their biggest social bugaboos. Coming to someone's aid is the best tonic, according to Cacioppo, not only because it combats self-obsession, but also because you are likely to receive positive feedback from the people you're helping, establishing that social interaction can be rewarding instead of punishing.
- Enroll in activities that meet regularly.
"When you sign up for something that's not a one-shot deal, you'll gradually feel more relaxed in that setting, and you'll be able to let other people see the positive things about you," Cheek says. Good choices might include a school committee that's tackling a long-term project or a painting class that lasts for several months.
- Force yourself to keep social engagements.
Although loners aren't typically thrilled at the prospect of mingling with others, studies show they often receive just as much of a mood boost from social encounters as more outgoing people do. The upshot? Get over the hump—make yourself call a friend to confirm a coffee date or leave the house to go to a party—and you'll likely be glad you did.
