- Pick Your Battles. Each of us is a package deal. Your girlfriend's flakiness is likely a complement to what attracted you in the first place—her laid-back attitude and delightful unpredictability, says therapist Michelle Weiner-Davis, founder of divorcebusters.com. Ask yourself whether you are demanding perfection.
- Get Specific. If you must confront your beloved blunderer, make a clear request and not a general complaint such as "Get it together!" Instead, say something like, "It would be great if you could do the laundry on Tuesdays."
- Don't Compensate. Relationships are like seesaws, says Weiner-Davis. Flakes tend to marry organized types, and even people who are not so different to begin with tend to polarize over time. If you always pick up the dirty towels, the task is your sole provenance. But if you resign from your role, the towels may pile up, and your partner may start pulling his weight.
- Clap for Conscientiousness. The best way to modify someone's behavior is to catch her in the act of getting it right and give her a lot of positive reinforcement. "And it builds up good will," says Weiner-Davis, "which is a great backdrop for change."
De-Flake Yourself
How to get it together, according to Michael Edelstein, clinical psychologist and author of Three-Minute Therapy.
