Parents and Children in Conflict

• Refuse to enter into power struggles. State your position in a forthright way, and allow your family member to make choices for him- or herself. Let him know that your love and respect is not contingent on their agreement with you.
• Keep the channels of communication open and respectful. Try actively listening without judgment while encouraging any disclosure. Offer your own heartfelt desires for communication by disclosing your vulnerabilities. This models nonjudgmental openness and disclosure.
• Pay attention to middle-born children. It is easy to assume that they receive equal attention when in fact, they do not.

If you are deadlocked with a parent:

• Do not assume that you understand what your parent means if they complain about sadness, love, or life. Ask them to define it.
• Stop demanding that your parent view things your way. A demand that they understand can hang you up in a resentful loop. An open discussion of differences will be more productive.
• Although you're the "child," you may now be an adult: Define yourself as such even if your parents do not.