The Promise
Stop getting angry—except when you should.
Whether you fly off the handle or bury your rage, In Control promises to bring you emotional serenity in just
eight weeks. Husband-and-wife authors Redford and Virginia Williams pledge that by teaching yourself coping skills, you can improve not only your emotional life, but also your physical health: They claim the program can benefit heart patients by alleviating anger, stress and depression.
The book begins by recommending a log of feelings and thoughts and ends with tips on increasing optimism. It teaches you to ask yourself a few crucial questions—such as whether taking action is worth it—that will help you figure out what to do in an infuriating situation. If you're getting hot and bothered over nothing, the authors provide a list of strategies to help you stay In Control. When your rage is justified, you're steered toward techniques for asserting yourself without blowing your top.
The Test
The self-assessment quiz placed me in the "cool reactor" camp. Since my kind of hostility mostly simmers below the surface, my challenge is to become aware of smoldering resentments before they flare into full blaze.
On the third day of school vacation, I was presented with a perfect opportunity to test my new skills. I'd asked my sons to listen for the parcel service guy while I ran an errand, but instead of cooperation, I got groans of defiance. As they sank back into their world of laptops and headphones, I realized that I was about to explode.
Retreating to the hallway, I struggled to remember the four questions that would determine my next move. I was supposed to reflect: "Is this matter important to me?" Or "Is what I am thinking and feeling appropriate?" But it's hard to think clearly at such a moment. The urge to storm back into their rooms was almost irresistible.
Fortunately, by the time I got to the third question, "Is this situation modifiable?" I had calmed down enough to solve the problem with a Post-it for FedEx. The ongoing issue of getting my kids to help out more could be addressed later.
Perhaps the resolution was obvious. But then much of the Williams' advice is intuitive stuff. Unfortunately, we are at our least logical in the heat of the moment.
The Verdict
In Control doesn't offer anything new in the domain of anger management. In fact, it seems as though the authors have included everything that's ever been suggested—even some bad ideas, like snapping a rubber band against your wrist, that have been shown not to work. If the techniques are seen more as a buffet than a set meal, however, there is a good deal of practical advice in this book—even if it's nearly as simple as counting to 10.
Tags:
anger-management,
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book review,
coping skills,
defiance,
depression,
emotional life,
hallway,
headphones,
heart patients,
husband and wife,
parcel service,
reactor,
resentment,
resentments,
school vacation,
self assessment quiz,
serenity,
stress,
third day,
virginia williams
