My Husband Is Having an Affair
I am a married woman whose husband is not faithful. He started to sleep outside and when I asked, he told me he is sleeping in the rest house in the army, as he is an army man. This has upset me so much I am depressed. We started quarreling to the extent that since 2003 we have had no sexual relationship. I recently came to realize that he has another woman. He has been accused by a man of having an affair with his wife, a matter reported in the local newspaper and even taken to his employer. I am thinking of divorce but we have three children. What can I do to forget about him completely?
It would be difficult and unwise to forget about the father of your children—they need some connection to him, even if you don't—but it is important to evaluate your situation realistically. It sounds as if you already have a divorce in all but name—a partner who is no longer around, cares little about your feelings and is involved with other women. It's not clear whether he sees his children, but there's no advantage to being married "for the children's sake" if your husband has decamped for other places. Divorce, at least, will free you to reorganize life around your needs and those of your children; ultimately you may want to seek a new relationship. What you need now is a good divorce lawyer to draw up an agreement that protects you and your children and gets you all the alimony and child support are entitled to. The fact that your husband abandoned the marital bed and is openly involved with another woman will give you a certain bargaining advantage that should be pursued. Your husband should certainly have visitation privileges with his children, and I hope he exercises them liberally. Understand that depression is a natural response to being abandoned and then publicly humiliated. As you reorganize your life, the feeling that you are actively doing something for yourself and your children will help dissipate the depression.