True love can be tough going: Owning up to your feelings, tolerating disagreements with your partner, and running the risk of feeling inadequate in bed takes gumption—and the ability to withstand a lot of anxiety. One key is learning how to soothe yourself.
"It can be as simple as regulating your body: deep breathing, sitting in a less tense position, or taking a moment to reflect," says psychologist Ruth Morehouse, Schnarch's wife and office partner. Once you've let some of your physical anxiety dissipate, you can address the mental aspects of your emotional tension: telling yourself you've been through this before and survived, reminding yourself that your partner isn't trying to drive you insane. Essentially, you give yourself an extra beat between stimulus and reaction so that you think before you act or blurt. You acknowledge the feelings, but don't let them threaten your sense of self or determine how you respond.
