Social class used to be something you're born into. But now that the world is flat and fast and fluid, parents are seeking status in the achievements of their children. The trouble with turning tots into trophies is that the developmental needs of the young are sacrificed to the psychological needs of adults.
By
Hara Estroff Marano, published on September 01, 2005 - last reviewed on October 10, 2007
Masking The Secret Of Success
But pushing for perfection seriously clashes with children's developmental needs. "There's a difference between excellence and perfection," points out Miriam Adderholdt, instructor in psychology at Davidson Community College in Lexington, North Carolina, and author of Perfectionism: What's So Bad About Being Too Good?
The trouble is, perfectionism is transmitted from parents to kids. "A child makes four As and one B," says Adderholdt. "All it takes is the raising of an eyebrow for her to get the message." Then it seeps into her psyche and creates a pervasive personality style. It lowers her ability to take risks and reduces creativity and innovation—exactly what's not adaptive in the global marketplace. It keeps kids from engaging in challenging experiences and testing their own limits; they don't get to discover what they truly like. Further, perfectionism reduces playfulness and the assimilation of knowledge. It destroys self-esteem. And just when the world requires flexibility and comfort with ambiguity, perfectionism creates rigidity. Perhaps worse: The emphasis on achievement makes parental love feel too conditional.
In short, the push for perfection undermines the identity capital of kids. But the biggest problem with it may be that it masks the real secret of success in life. Any innovator will tell you that success hinges less on getting everything right than on how you handle getting things wrong. In real life, you can't call the teacher and demand that a C be changed to an A. This is where creativity, passion and perseverance come into play. The ultimate irony is, in a flat world you don't make kids competitive by pushing them to be perfect but by allowing them to become passionate about something that compels their interest.
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