Today, each partner brings independent habits, tastes, resources and skills that must be consciously adapted to the new relationship. Men and women now expect to negotiate a marriage that meets the individual needs of both partners. For most people, these changes are extremely liberating, and marriages that succeed can be much more rewarding and fulfilling than those of the past.
But marriage is also less stable. Couples are no longer held together by pressures from in-laws or society; women can support themselves, and men are no longer ostracized if they do not marry or are divorced. Few couples before in history have had to make so many conscious choices about the kind of relationship they will have. And these decisions can be very stressful.
So perhaps we should cut anxious brides and grooms some slack. Tasteful or garish, simple or ostentatious, weddings today are the first chance a couple gets to announce to the world their chosen joint identity. Couples are preoccupied with getting each detail right because they are struggling to reflect the uniqueness of their relationship—and the hope that it will be strengthened, rather than undermined, by their individual identities and ambitions. The hope is powerful, but so is the fear that they might not get it right. Still, with plenty of time to work out the specifics, the bride and groom might want to let go of all the worrying. After all, marital bliss can't be found in the color of a bridesmaid's taffeta dress.
