Advice: Business and Pleasure

A 50-year-old woman contemplates leaving her long-distance boyfriend, who is also her business partner.

By Hara Estroff Marano, published on March 16, 2005 - last reviewed on March 21, 2005

I met a man on a cruise a year ago and we started to see each other on an intimate level. My self esteem was zero (I lost my job, suffered depression and turned 50 all at the same time). I live in Florida, and he splits his time between New York and another town in Florida. For a few months, he made the three-hour trip to my home once or twice a week. When he returned to New York, we agreed to see how a distance relationship worked out, but he stopped his daily calls and I didn't hear from him until I called him. Soon we decided on a business venture and became business partners. When I traveled to New York for business and personal reasons, we stayed in a hotel but he didn't offer a lot of personal info about himself. His Florida rotation recently began again, and he stayed at my house for a week before moving on to his job destination. We both agreed that our intimacy may be interfering with our business and we needed to focus on business only. Now how does a person transition from personal to business? This is an emotional roller coaster for me but he seems to be handling it just fine.

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Obviously you agreed to his terms with your head but feel otherwise in your heart. Perhaps you assented as a way to stay connected to him. But he appears to have shown interest in a relationship only when it was convenient for him. There seems to be a degree of opportunism at work here. Are you sure this the kind of person you really want to do business with, to say nothing of a personal relationship? But let's assume there's genuine merit to the business you're jointly engaged in. If you're going to be in a business venture with someone, you need to think strategically. Forget about him as a romantic partner and keep your dealings strictly professional. That means no sleeping in your bed, with or without sex. He's an opportunist, so it's up to you to set and hold to the terms. If being around him in business is too painful or exhausting personally, then cash out and look for another business venture or become a silent partner. There are a lot more business and personal opportunities around, if you open your eyes. I can assure you personally that life doesn't end at 50.