Life has a bad habit of throwing challenges and frank
disappointments our way. There's not only an art to surviving them but a
science as well. And both the art and science point to a single fact
about landing on your feet-regulating your emotions may be the key to
When things go wrong, do you persevere? Or, are you more likely to
buckle? If you are able to overcome adversity and rebound after a big
disappointment, then you are indeed resilient.
Some people seem to be born with a fair share of resilience, while
others crack at the whisper of a setback. So it appears that some have
it, and some don't.
But the truth is that everyone comes out of the womb with some
resilience. It's just that certain people actively apply it, day after
day. These people don't look at themselves as victims, they're
problem-solvers. They don't moan about what happened to them, they look
ahead and work out the issue at hand.
Resilient people are also good at regulating their emotions and
staying calm under pressure. That allows them to draw on what they know
when they need it most.
People who practice self-regulation are often successful at
managing their relationships at home and at work. Those who lack these
skills have a rougher time in life in general.
How good are you at regulating your emotions? When under stress do
you become emotional, panic and lose control? To find out, take this
little quiz, adapted from The Resilience Factor, by Karen Revich and
Use the following scale to rate each item:
1=Not true of me
- Even if I plan ahead for a discussion with my spouse, my boss or
my child, I still find myself acting emotionally.
- I am unable to harness positive emotions to help me focus on a
- I can control the way I feel when adversity strikes.
- I get carried away by my feelings.
- I am good at identifying what I am thinking and how it affects
- If someone does something that upsets me, I am able to wait
until an appropriate time when I have calmed down to discuss it.
- My emotions affect my ability to focus on what I need to get
done at home, school or work.
- When I discuss a hot topic with a colleague or family member, I
am able to keep my emotions in check.
Calculate Your Results
Add your score on these items:
3 + __ = __
5 + __ = __
6 + __ = __
8 + __ = __
Positive total __
Now add your score on these items:
1 + __ = __
2 + __ = __
4 + __ = __
7 + __ = __
Negative total __
Positive total minus negative total = __
A score higher than 13 is rated above average in emotional
A score between 6 and 13 is inconclusive.
A score lower than 6 is rated below average in emotional
If your emotional regulation is below average, you may need to
master some calming skills. Here are a few tips:
- When anxiety strikes, your breathing may become shallow and
quick. You can help control the anxiety by controlling your breathing.
Inhale slowly through your nose, breathing deeply from your belly, not
- Stress will make your body tight and stiff. Again, you can
counter the effects of stress on body and brain if you relax your
- Also try positive imagery; create an image that is relaxing, such
as visualizing yourself on a secluded beach.
Resilience is within your reach.