However, kids raised on Thor or Tolkien don't predictably gravitate to modern-day "hero" jobs like policeman or firefighter. Nor can you ever guarantee who will act bravely in wartime, Miller says. Courage is learned by practicing it day by day—by speaking up when you get cut off in line, not by waiting until you come across a maiden tied to the railroad tracks. "You have to train yourself to be courageous," Miller says. Taking small daily risks prepares us for unexpected tests of courage, and he worries that "the upper-middle-class disease of risk aversion"—meticulously organized playtimes, the rush to protect children from any potential conflict or harm—has deprived children of chances to test themselves.
Reality-TV programs like Jackass or Fear Factor, which do involve risk, don't do much to foster real bravery, says marriage and family therapist Tina Tessina, author of It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction. "Jumping out of a plane without a parachute, climbing Mount Everest, and other extreme sports can be used as a way to avoid real life responsibilities and feelings, and to get high on adrenaline," says Tessina. The courage required in these televised tests of character—drinking blended pig parts before mobs of spectators, for example—are at best a temporary escape.
Yet because we yearn to be seen as bold, brave and courageous, we'll take stupid risks to prove our worth. Psychologists Mark Leary and Kathleen Martin interviewed 300 adolescents on risk-taking behavior. About one-quarter said they'd driven recklessly in order to impress people, and one-third of the young men admitted performing reckless stunts in an attempt to look cool—everything from juggling knives and jumping off a bridge to riding on top of a car.
Some blame these faux-heroics on modern society, arguing that our culture just doesn't offer enough opportunities for valor. That's not strictly true—after September 11, firefighters and police officers were nearly elevated to the status of saints. They are the exception, though: For many of us, struggling with mundane jobs and tedious hassles, heroism on the scale of saving lives will never seem attainable. But that doesn't make everyday quests any less important. It can be equally brave simply to stand up for what you believe in. "Quiet heroism is showing up for your child's school play when it's difficult to get off work, or being honest and ethical in the face of someone's disapproval or scorn," says Tessina. "That's the kind of heroism that really counts in life."
Ethan Gilsdorf (ethangilsdorf.com) is a freelance writer, critic and poet based in Paris.
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