The Marrying Kind?

A nationwide study of men found that many men are not interested in marriage.

By Hara Estroff Marano, published on July 01, 2004 - last reviewed on July 05, 2005

Let's get the bad news right onto the table. This is something that confirms what many women have suspected all along. There is a "small but significant" percentage of unmarried men who might be considered poor candidates for marriage. We're not talking about the guys who can't get or keep a job, or who hang around the off-track betting offices all day, or the ones whose closest companion is a beer can.

We 're referring to the 20 percent of men between the ages of 25 and 34 who have a "low personal desire" for marriage and who display a negative attitude toward women, children and the institution of marriage itself. Small, but significant. It's two out of 10 who are personally averse to marriage—one in five. That's a respectable chunk of the available males.

So finds a nationwide study conducted by the National Marriage Project, a scholarly initiative that provides information on social trends affecting marriage. It's based at Rutgers University in New Jersey, and headed by sociologist David Popenoe.

Some of these guys may be out there dating. But they are basically marriage-phobic. And they are more likely than other unmarried males to come from nontraditional families, to be nonreligious and to have fathers who were not involved in their lives, according to the survey.

"Young women often find the search for a marriage partner daunting and confusing," says project co-director Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, "since not everyone in the partner market is interested in marriage. These findings may help marriage-minded women identify the men who are most likely to be the marrying kind."

According to the survey, the marrying kind is the man raised in "traditional" family households as opposed to nontraditional households. But let's not pretend that households presided over by Ozzie and Harriet act-alikes are such a powerful pro-marriage factory. Among the unmarried men who were surveyed, a thoroughly underwhelming 55 percent from traditional households said they "would be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along."

That number looks okay only in comparison to the dismal 43 percent from other kinds of family backgrounds who declared themselves willing to marry. Let's face it, there's about a 50-50 chance that any unmarried guy is looking to leap into marriage even with Ms. Right.