After my divorce I dated a guy from work. He was very
secretive, mysterious even. He was also extremely manipulative and
nasty when he didn't get his way. I think I stuck with him because I
was overweight and suffering from low self-esteem. We almost bought a
house together until he finally confessed that he was well over
$100,000 in debt due to an insatiable shopping jones. He had actually
wanted his name on my house! Anyway, I realized he was bipolar and I
urged him to get help. He never did. I extricated myself from the
situation and thought that would be the end of it. Now I am finding out
that he was telling people at work that I'm insane. I feel lucky to
have gotten away from him, but I really hate that he has destroyed my
reputation. I can't get on the PA system and shout, "I'm not crazy!"
What should I do?
Be yourself. People generally are smart enough to deal with you on
the basis of observed behavior and to form ongoing opinions based on
that. If you feel that a coworker's attitude towards you has irrevocably
changed for the worse, and this is a person you must interact with
frequently, then take the person aside and say that you hope they haven't
been unduly influenced by rumors that might have been circulating in the
wake of an ill-advised private relationship. You need not specify whom or
what. Under no circumstances should you say negative things about Mr.
Manic, but you can say that you are embarrassed that you ever had more
than a work relationship with the person. It's highly likely your
coworkers recognize that there was something wrong with Mr. Manic. And if
they don't, there's no point in doing to him what you think he did to
you. Keep your head above the din and people will respect you for having
grace under pressure. Remember that just because someone is a jerk to you
does not require you to be a jerk in return.
Tags:
advice,
bipolar,
circumstances,
coworker,
divorce,
grace under pressure,
jerk,
low self esteem,
private relationship,
relationships,
work relationship
