Advice: Managing Your Mood

He doesn't remember what it's like to have a good day.

By Michael Yapko, published on March 01, 2004 - last reviewed on June 14, 2005

I have had problems with my emotions for quite some time. It all began when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I am now 19. My parents got divorced and nothing was ever the same. I began to do drugs, steal things, and had legal problems as a result. I was placed in a group home at age 15 after I was put in juvenile detention for stealing drugs from a pharmacy. I spent about 8 months in the group home. Once I got out, I had to go live 400 miles away from the home in which my dad lived. It was hard for me to leave the place I considered home. When I moved, my depression went away for a month or two, but quickly came back. In my junior year in high school, I made my mind up that I was going to join the Army and that would help my emotional problems go away. I went into the U.S. Army, and am on active duty. I now realize that I still have an emotional problem that I need to fix as soon as possible. Within the next year, I face the possibility of deployment to the war zone in Iraq or somewhere else in the Middle East. I know I have depression. I’ve denied it for so long, and now I regret ever being so stupid as to not see my problems. I don’t remember what it’s like to have a good day. Right now I am thinking about chaptering out of the army because of my depression.

Your letter describes many of the problems people suffer when they have difficulty managing their emotions. It’s too bad we don’t routinely teach children how to recognize and effectively handle their feelings, particularly when we know each child will face more serious stresses at younger and younger ages.

You didn't directly ask for any advice, but there are several things for you to consider. You believe you are depressed, and may well be formally diagnosed as such if you were to see a mental health professional for an evaluation. Given that you are in the Army, you will need to make a choice as to whether you want to keep your depression to yourself, as you apparently have been doing, or whether you want to see a trained mental health professional. A few good questions and a little bit of listening are all it takes for someone skilled to make the diagnosis.

Depression generally tends to get worse without treatment. So getting the immediate help and support you need would be a wise step.

There may be professional implications for seeking help, but there are even more serious implications for not seeking help, especially since you are already on the verge of finding a way out of the Army.

My advice is to take the appropriate steps to get the help you need. It’s the thing that’s in your best interest—and, ultimately, in the Army’s too. Whoever treats you can help you make sensible decisions about what may be best for you to do both personally and professionally.