The pursuit of justice is a noble human activity. But at times it
may become a cause that leads to depression. This can be the case when
people over focus on injustices done not to others but to
themselves.
One thing that leads to depression is the thirst for absolute
fairness. I am not talking about great losses but the emotional torpor
that comes from collective injustices done to you and carrying around the
need for perfect reciprocity.
The need for complete fairness can actually hinder your dealings
with others. It can prevent you from tolerating risk and even from
engaging in rewarding endeavors because all of these are activities in
which you might not get a perfectly fair shake. They have value for other
reasons. "Injustice collecting" is the art of accumulating or tallying up
unfairnesses, of measuring every situation in which you have not been
accorded sufficient fairness.
Tit-for-tat is a natural human preference. However, quid pro quo is
too easily escalated into quid must quo. Those who are busy measuring tat
for tit may eventually get weighed down by their accounting.
Wallowing in slights can be appealing because it provides secondary
gains. There are payoffs to having a sense of outrage over injustice. It
entitles the bearer to hold on to a sense of nobility, in which the inner
script might be something like "I am great and noble and better than mere
mortals." It subsidizes a false sense of ego.
Another payoff is that it allows you to avoid responsibility for
your choices. Still another reason why people hold on to an overheated
sense of injustice is that it breeds self-pity. It courts attention from
others.
It is ultimately, however, a manipulative strategy. It gets others
to rectify injustice; by giving them favoritism, we expect
ultrafavoritism in return.
Another sustainer of the pursuit of unfairness is that it can
become a pseudojustification for acting unfairly to others. The logic is,
"They did it; I should be able to get away with it too."
All are inappropriate justifications because all create and sustain
more misery to the self. And so it perpetuates the downward spiral into
depression.
A number of action strategies can ensure that you do not nurture,
wittingly or unwittingly, a compulsive sense of justice.
Distinguish unfairness from loss issues Do not inure yourself to
real sadness, which does exist. You don't want to do away with the
capacity to feel. You just want to maintain a sense of balance.
Itemize injustices List the injustices that weigh on you. Divide
the list into things you can change and things you cannot yet change.
This will help you take charge of your life.
Then ask yourself of each item: "Does this injustice have to affect
all areas of my life every second?" The answer should be, "definitely
not." Nor is unfairness a disadvantage—unless you define it as
such. As President John F. Kennedy said, "There is always inequity in
life. Life is unfair."
Ask yourself, "Can I still work to build a meaningful life in spite
of these unfairnesses?" If you have trouble saying yes, realize you are
making a choice—of misery about unfairness. Most people suffer from
a lack of consciousness about their choices.
If you find yourself overly grieving about the unfairness of a
situation, stop yourself and ask, "Will the situation change by my being
upset?"
Mind your language Instead of saying, "This is unfair," say, "This
is annoying." It is what it is. This verbal shift will help you keep
perspective.
Work on self-direction Tune into how you want to act in certain
circumstances—in spite of unfairnesses.
Free yourself from the fairness crusade Discard the exigency that
life must be compulsively fair and reciprocating, because that idea can
detach you from your preferences. If for example, you go out to dinner
with someone and feel you must reciprocate, you can't enjoy your time
with that person until you pay him or her back.
That thinking represents an error that economists call ICU, or
interpersonal comparison of utility. The fundamental error is the
assumption that something is equally fair or unfair in the eyes of
everyone. A ticket to the Nutcracker ballet could be a pleasure to one
person, Chinese water torture to another.
The mistaken idea is that such things can be weighed objectively.
The reason is that fairness is an abstract concept. So give up the
compulsive quest for justice—but pursue it passionately and
cheerfully.
Remember Clarence Darrow, who wrote, "There is no such thing as
justice—in or out of court."
Tags:
absolute fairness,
anger,
depression,
fair shake,
fairness,
false sense,
injustice,
injustices,
justice,
mere mortals,
nobility,
payoffs,
preference,
pursuit of justice,
rewarding endeavors,
self pity,
sustainer,
torpor,
unfairness
