Advice: The Part-time Lover

Q: My husband and I are very happy together, but he will only
have sex with me every three days. When I ask him what the problem is,
he tells me that it takes three days for a man's sex glands to recover,
and that having sex more frequently may cause his organs permanent
damage. I've never heard this before; I wonder, is he telling me the
truth, or could he be hiding some other issue?

A: Here are some basic facts. The time it takes after orgasm for
bodies to return to normal levels of functioning is known as the
refractory period. Heart rate, breathing and blood pressure return to
normal levels. It may take a few minutes for sexual responsiveness and
the capacity for erection to be restored. It certainly takes time to
restore the capacity for orgasm.

As men age, the refractory period generally gets longer. It can
vary from a few minutes to a day or more. There is no invariable rule, as
the refractory period normally varies with any one man and varies from
man to man. In general, with age it takes a longer period of stimulation
to produce erection and ejaculation. Direct stimulation of the penis is
helpful and often necessary,

Also as men age, the amount of semen ejaculated may be reduced.
Semen consists of sperm and secretions produced by the prostate and other
glands.

At the very least, your husband is operating on a misconception. It
would be helpful to provide him with information. There are many
authoritative websites that provide information.

But he may be operating on a deliberate lie. He may be saving his
sexual energy for another partner.

You can tell a lot from the sex you now have. Is your husband open
to an extended period of lovemaking that satisfies you both, both
emotionally and physically, and that may involve multiple orgasms, or is
sex a very perfunctory event?

If you have great sex and your husband is warm and responsive for
as long as you both want or need, then it sounds as if you indeed have a
lot to be happy about.

But if your every-three-days sex is an act engaged in not so much
to exchange affection but to release a single orgasm, then you have cause
for concern.

For starters, why don’t you try approaching your husband more
often in bed?