I'm a 31-year-old woman with three children. I have been married for seven years. My husband moved the family out of state; we were there for one month and decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore. We moved back home and he got his own place. He has just turned 40. He tells me he wants to be better friends. He tells me he is confused and he has got me so confused. I'm not sure what to do. Its like he has his cake and he’s eating it to. I’m not sure if I should stick by him through all this. (He also had an affair about a year ago.) He doesn't really tell me much of anything other than he does still care for me and that we need to be better friends before the next step, if there is a next step. Should I continue to put myself, and my children, through all this? Is he be going through a mid-life crisis?
A lot of bad behavior gets done in the name of mid-life crisis. It’s not acceptable to unilaterally opt out of marriage and responsibility to children at any time. You’re confused because your husband probably isn’t telling the truth. He is likely having an affair, possibly continuing the old one. Or maybe he’s started a new one. Lots of people look toward affairs to jump start excitement in their life, instead of building in enough excitement into their home life. Your husband would rather look at someone else than at himself. And, yes, that’s not fair. That violates the terms of your agreement. The way to get over an affair is only with lots of talking. You need to rebuild trust. Your husband needs to explain what happened and why, until you are satisfied with his explanations, and until you feel you can trust him again.