Advice: Nice Guys Finish First

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Women say they want an understanding, sweet guy, but when I act that way they quickly lose interest. I sense that women get bored with me; I feel anxious or run out of things to say. I ask about their job, their family and I try to show interest in them. What can I do to become more engaging?

Light yourself on fire—become interesting to yourself. What makes people interesting is being curious about and interested in things and developing those interests to the point of passion. That fire draws others to you. What’s more, it turns your attention outward, so that you are not anxiously focused on your own performance. Yes, it’s true: Women increasingly want sweetness and understanding in their men—but not at the expense of interests, competence and good old self-confidence.

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