Deborah Carr, Ph.D., a sociologist at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., sees the tough-love, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps message of today's advice givers as a reaction against decades of Freudian methodology and the victim mentality of the 1970s and '80s, when one's "inner child" could easily blame everything on Mom and Dad. Today's doctrine holds that the only impediment to personal change is your own limitations; you have to accept the problem and take responsibility for resolving it. Dr. Phil's emphasis on personal responsibility, self-control and rugged individualism fits squarely with fellow Texan George W. Bush's controversial "do it yourself" resolution of his drinking problem.
Such a self-oriented, proactive approach can be a double-edged sword. "On the one hand, it's a very empowering message," says Carr. "But if you can't lose the weight or leave the man, you're left with yourself. It's your own fault." For most practicing psychologists this what-kind-of-idiot-are-you approach is a recipe for failure, placing the blame on the subject proper without providing the necessary tools to deal with the issue at hand. Moreover, the implication is that change is easy, and not succeeding is a sign of insufficient willpower.
Yet most of Dr. Phil's critics quibble less with his insight than with the way in which he delivers it. Rather than coax, he confronts; he criticizes rather than encourages. He sometimes gives a guest a firm dressing down. The flip side of fostering that "eureka" moment is creating a sense of embarrassment, even shame, among his guests. Miss Manners urges restraint; Dr. Phil demands unfettered self-expression—as he says, "a wake-up call."
Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners) declares that "Using humiliation to correct is like shouting at a child to be quiet" or, less politely put, it's rude, ineffective and possibly immoral. No spoonful of sugar, this. According to critics, the harsh, judgmental tone employed by Drs. Phil and Laura is precisely the worst approach.
Fans disagree-strongly. They describe Dr. Phil as giving simple, smart and pragmatic advice uncluttered by mealymouthed psycho-jargon. Lea James, a 50-something film and Web producer from Queens, N.Y., who reads Dr. Phil's books and watches him on television regularly, admires his directness. "I've been to therapy, and didn't like beating around the bush," says James, who also takes cues from Suze Orman, Martha Stewart and Dr. Andrew Weil. "I prefer to have the information I need to correct myself. Tell me if there's spinach in my teeth!"
Tempting though it may be to view the cozy quaintness of Ann and Abby through rose-tinted glasses, advice columnists have always been known for downright chutzpah. Neither doyenne of propriety was immune to remonstrance, nor were they nonjudgmental. For years, Ann Landers refused to acknowledge homosexuality, and though she belatedly modernized with contemporary social mores, she was continually drawn to the unequivocal morality of the Catholic Church. Abby's and especially Ann's columns could be controversial and elicit angry letters to the editor.
The enduring reality is that Q-and-A advice, whether delivered in print or on-air, has never been a substitute for psychotherapy. Part of the criticism of gonzo-style guidance and solutions-or-bust language is simply a necessary evil of the evolving media, with its overriding business of delivering entertainment.
In only a two-paragraph column or 15 minutes of airtime, most problems cannot be effectively explained, diagnosed or treated, psychological change being a slower, less dramatic and less entertaining process. Were viewers subjected to the oft-mundane recounting of childhood slights and daily frustrations typical of a psychotherapy session, TV ratings would plummet. Audiences would be alienated, bored and annoyed. Legions of fans and followers would be let down.
Miss Manners would certainly disapprove.
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