I
'm afraid to approach women. I'm 40 and I've only had two
girlfriends in my whole life. I can't get over the nervousness, and I'm
afraid of being humiliated. Do I have some sort of social
phobia?
Nervous Ned
The central element of social phobia is fear of embarrassment or
humiliation in social situations. It's important to know whether your
fear has extended to other situations, such as friendships and work. This
anxiety, inhibition or shyness is interfering with something you would
like to have in your life and is generally treatable. A good therapist
should be able to work with you by using a combination of cognitive and
behavioral approaches, as well as providing emotional support.
I cheated on my girlfriend and she no longer trusts me. How
do I regain her trust?
Wanna B. Trustworthy
In most cases, trust is rebuilt through actions over time. First,
it would be helpful to put yourself in her position. Imagine how she felt
and express that understanding to her. “It must have been really
hard for you when I...” Beyond words, what are the actions you can
take to rebuild trust? Ask her. She may need you to be in touch with her
regularly, or for you to share certain information with her. Do your best
to understand that she is feeling vulnerable. You may even become angry
that she can't trust you more quickly; let yourself have those feelings,
but don't lay them on her. The best way to rebuild trust is to be
trustworthy, so it would be helpful for you to better understand why you
cheated and how you can avoid it in the future.
I'm not interested in sex and it's causing stress in my
relationship. My boyfriend and I had broken up, but now we're living
together. Taking on new roles has been difficult. I can't cope. Am I
depressed? Or is my lack of desire causing me to feel
depressed?
Lacking Libido
Depression is something you want to treat before it leads to more
difficulty. When you notice it affecting your feelings toward yourself or
impacting your functioning, it's time to seek help. To rule out physical
causes, you may want to see a doctor first. A doctor can prescribe
antidepressants, but it's important to give him or her the full
picture—some antidepressants can cause reduced sexual desire. Then
you may want to see a therapist to discuss your emotional issues. You
mention the stress of moving in with your boyfriend—such events
create fear and performance pressure. You might also be angry with him
and you are turning it on yourself in the form of self-criticism and
depression.
I am a freshman in college, and I have bad sleep and study
habits. My main problem is procrastination. Also, I only sleep for two
hours a night. It's worse now that I don't have parents bugging me. Is
this laziness or a disorder?
Sleepless in the Dorm
If you are having trouble with sleep itself, it is important to
first consult your physician to check out various physical issues, such
as too much caffeine or refined sugar, difficulty breathing or something
biochemical. If once you go to sleep, you sleep well, the problem may be
getting to bed. It does not sound like you're lazy. You might be anxious,
depressed or thinking obsessively. You might have a problem with
procrastination or with relating to the structure or authority of school.
Or you may just need better self-direction, time-management or study
skills.
Mark Fromm, Ph.D., provides psychotherapy and personal coaching in
the San Francisco Bay Area.
Tags:
advice,
behavioral approaches,
central element,
emotional support,
girlfriend,
girlfriends,
humiliation,
inhibition,
lack of desire,
nervousness,
social situations,
whole life
