Can You Make Love Happen?

Can you deliberately make love happen?

YES: "You can make yourself deliberately fall in love with someone
you presently like but do not really love, but not easily. Usually, you
strongly favor a few traits of your beloved, such as beauty and
intelligence. And you firmly convince yourself that your beloved uniquely
possesses them and fall in love with that "special" person. Because of
your distinct prejudices, you have great difficulty falling for anyone
else, however much you like them. But if you work hard at convincing
yourself that another person has uniquely outstanding traits and will
lead you to certain bliss, you may fall in love with him or her. Don't,
however, count on it."—Albert Ellis, Ph.D., Albert Ellis Institute.

YES: "Romantic love, commitment, and all but the most fleeting passion
share one important feature: Each is created with intention. Romantic
love may feel magical, but we learn to love in a deliberate fashion. Can
we learn to love just anyone? Not without entirely recreating ourselves,
our personal beliefs, and attitudes, a process that would be unlikely. One
needs shared core beliefs and attitudes, a simple foundation on which to
build."

"Learning to love another person is an adventure, but it is not
about scaling mountains. Rather, it is negotiating the ordinary business
of life. Love is becoming intimate, learning things that few others know
or care to know about one's partner." —Robert Milardo, Ph.D., University of Maine; President, International Association for Relationships Research