B
eyond Chubby
My daughter has a weight problem and she is only 6 years old. It
has me worried about her health and the problems she will face at school.
Her doctor wasn't worried about it when she was smaller but he is now.
She weighs 91 pounds and I have tried to help her but while I am not
looking or her care giver is not looking, while I'm at work she sneaks
food. Part of the problem is she doesn't get the exercise that she needs.
How do I make a 6 year old understand that I am only trying to help her.
She has been called "FAT" at school and that just the start of it I'm
sure. And finding friends is already becoming a problem.
Meredith
There is only one way to make a six year old--or a 60 year
old--understand you are trying to help. By actively helping. Don't waste
your breath explaining you're trying to help, just be helpful without
announcing it. No sermons. No speeches. No forbidding of food. What your
daughter needs most is exercise, not just to burn off calories but to
safeguard her health and prevent diabetes. Every day, take your daughter
out for a 45-minute walk or active play. Teach her how to jump rope. Play
hide and seek. Allow her to experience the pleasure of movement and do it
so regularly it becomes a habit she can't live without. Make this a
special time to spend with your daughter, so she looks forward to
exercising with the added incentive of having time with you. Exercise
combats the inertia that is driving your daughter to eat and is in danger
of compromising her physical health. It's already crimping her social
life, which will only compound the problem. Keep healthy foods on hand,
most of all plenty of fresh fruit like grapes, apples, oranges, even
sliced cantaloupe. End meals with fresh fruit, too, as it provides a
satisfying sense of closure that could help ward off snacking. See that
your daughter drinks plenty of water and just don't buy soda. Instruct
your caregiver to do the same.
A Bully in the House
I am a 21 year old unmarried woman with a three-year-old son who is
the love of my life. I have been with his father, my "boyfriend," for
five years. I wish I could say he is the love of my life as well. After
our son was born, things started to go down hill. My boyfriend never
shows affection, wont touch me, is always calling me names, which he
never used to do. At times, can be physically abusive. He teaches our son
swear words, laughs when he hits me, and tells our son its OK. I am so
scared to leave this man. I tell my family, that once I get a decent job
and am financially capable, I will leave him. I have done that before,
but I have always gone back and nothing has ever changed. I don't know
what to do, or where to go for help. Even my family sees what is going on
and asks me why I don't leave. The thing is, I do see. But I feel so
hopeless. And unwanted. I have many things in my life that I feel I have
yet to accomplish but feel as though I am being held back or stuck in a
distressing situation possibly forever.Worst of all, I fear for my
son.
Kala
You are right to fear for your son. Having to witness the abuse of
his mother will likely have longer-lasting effects on him than on you. It
directly transmits and perpetuates violence into the next
generation.
Get over the idea that abuse means you are unwanted. Domestic
violence is not about lack of love; you are living with a bully who like
all abusers has a very fragile sense of self and some really warped and
dangerous ideas about family life. Aggression is his attempt to eliminate
self-doubt, and batterers resort to it whenever their sense of self feels
threatened. Batterers' sense of self is so fragile they are hyperattuned
to slights that no one else notices.
Focus first on safety. Your son will not be safe until you are safe
and able to live without fear of abuse. Safety can't wait until you are
financially independent. If you can leave with your son and stay with
your family for a while, then do so. Make it clear to your boyfriend
exactly what behaviors you want him to stop before you will allow him to
see you or your son again. Find out what resources and help are available
to you locally. Call the national domestic violence hotline
(1-800-799-SAFE) or visit their website (http://www.ndvh.org/).
Tags:
6 years,
abuse,
added incentive,
apples,
cantaloupe,
care giver,
diet,
exercise,
finding friends,
fresh fruit,
grapes,
habit,
having time,
healthy foods,
how to jump rope,
inertia,
meredith,
oranges,
relationship,
sermons,
special time,
speeches
