I am a 40-year-old married women whose oldest child is leaving for college. My husband had an affair five years ago. I have worked things out with my husband but still feel hurt and betrayed when I see or hear something that reminds me of his affair He does not like to talk about it any more since he is trying to move on.
Cram
It doesn't sound as if you've worked things out with your husband. It sounds as if he's worked out a very favorable deal with you--in which he doesn't have to talk about it anymore in the name of “moving on”--while you get stuck doing all the emotional work of forgiving and forgetting, which is an impossible task. An affair is a very big deal. A few points to consider: An affair is essentially a betrayal of trust; your husband violated the rules you thought you both were living by. It's not his place to determine when he has restored your sense of trust; only you can know that. Obviously, there's more work to be done there. What's more, you and your husband have to renegotiate your relationship from the ground up. Get the help of a good family therapist, one who works for the relationship, not just for one of you.
