Not only are overscheduled children prone to stress, but they often
miss out on important childhood experiences. Here are some
examples:
Time to Play in a Natural, Creative Way
Unstructured play allows children to pursue their interests,
express their personalities and learn how to structure their time. Play
is the natural mode of learning for young children, but when their lives
are dominated by adult-organized activities, there may be little time
left to just be kids.
Family Relationships
Children need downtime with parents -- time to relax, talk, read,
play games and just hang out. Families that are constantly running from
one extracurricular activity to the next have little opportunity for
these experiences.
Extended-Family Relationships
Kids need contact with extended family. It may not always take a
village to raise a child, but such family relationships can give children
a sense of who they are and a network of social support. Children whose
calendars are filled with extracurricular activities may have trouble
finding time for these relationships.
Self-Awareness
Children need time to read, write, think, dream, draw, build,
create, fantasize and explore special interests. Such activities promote
self-awareness by helping children clarify who they are and what they are
truly interested in. Children who are involved in too many programmed
activities may have little time for these experiments in
self-discovery.
Why do we push so hard?
The truth is, most parents have good intentions. They enroll their
children in activities because they want them to have a rich, happy
childhood. They sacrifice their own time to make sure their children are
at practices and competitions. Of course, these parents love their
children, and the last thing they would want is for them to feel
stressed.
Yet for some, the motivation is not always noble. Some parents push
their children to succeed in the interest of their own egos. Others use
their children to relive their own childhood dreams. Still others are
motivated by social pressure. Notes one father, "All the kids on our
block are involved in four or five various activities. If I took my kids
out, they'd feel left out, and I'd feel like a jerk around the other
parents."
The grandfather of four overscheduled grandchildren reflects on his
own childhood: "When I was a boy, I played football at school and a
little baseball in the summer. That was it. I never felt deprived or
thought my parents didn't love me. Today, it's different. I think a lot
of young parents are scared to death that their kids will grow up and
tell some psychotherapist, 'I'm here because my parents didn't love me.'
They limited my extracurricular activities.'"
What can parents do?
Perhaps the place to begin is to lighten up. When my wife, Sara,
attended our granddaughter's soccer game, she was amazed at the
seriousness of some parents. "Go for the ball!" "Run for the goal!"
yelled several fathers at the sidelines. Halfway through, two obviously
tired little girls stopped in the middle of the field and began talking
as the game continued around them. "These two girls were just being kids
in the midst of all the frenzy," she says.
One recovering soccer mom says Jessica*, her 8-year-old, was
exhausted from too many activities. Her schedule was filled with dance,
ice skating, piano lessons, swim team and soccer. "When the headaches
started, that was the last straw," says her mom, who took her out of
everything. When Jessica felt better, she chose one activity: swim team.
"She's a normal kid again, and we actually have time to be a
family."
Taking a child out of all activities is quite dramatic and not
always necessary. For most families, simply limiting the amount of time
spent in extracurricular activities may be all that's needed to eliminate
a child's stress and put family life back on an even keel.
It's also important to remember that extracurricular activities per
se are not the problem. As Maureen Weiss, Ph.D., at the University of
Oregon, and other researchers have shown, children who are involved in
such activities reap important benefits. Involvement in sports, for
example, is correlated with higher levels of self-confidence and academic
performance, more involvement with school, fewer behavior problems and
lower likelihood of taking drugs or engaging in risky sexual
behavior.
Such findings have inspired towns and cities across the country to
support extracurricular activities. Businesses and private organizations
have pitched in to buy uniforms, equipment and other supplies. During the
past 10 years, the extracurricular establishment has grown into a major
cultural force, shaping and defining childhood and family life.
But have we gone to an extreme? What happens to children who are
involved in so many activities that they feel overwhelmed? What happens
to marriages when spouses have no time for each other? What happens to
family life? These are important questions that research must
answer.
In the meantime, we might do well by following Aristotle's adage:
everything in moderation. Child experts acknowledge that extracurricular
activities can be a positive force in children's lives, but they also
agree that overscheduling can put children at risk. Balance is
key.
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