The perfect picture of a balanced childhood, one in which our kids
go to school, do a little homework and play fort, is a myth for many
youngsters. More and more children, like adults, are involved in far too
many activities.
Nine-year-old Kevin* was anxious, having trouble sleeping and
complaining that he was tired all the time. A medical exam revealed no
physical problems, so the pediatrician suggested his mother talk to a
psychologist. When we met, I asked about Kevin's schedule. His mother
told me that, in addition to school, he was involved in three team
sports, church activities, scouts and had piano lessons twice a week.
Finding nothing else to explain the child's symptoms, I suggested his
stressful schedule might be the cause.
His mother looked at me as though I were crazy. "Give me a break,"
she said. "Kevin doesn't have any stress. He loves everything he's
doing." She, too, was under pressure. She worked full-time, and because
her husband's job required him to travel, she was responsible for most of
the household chores and child care. Yet despite her own grueling
schedule, she had enrolled Kevin in a dizzying number of extracurricular
activities. "My parents never did anything with me," she explained. "So I
want Kevin to know I'm there for him. No matter what it takes, he's going
to have a good childhood."
But Kevin wasn't having a good childhood. He was overscheduled and
on the brink of clinical depression. When I talked to him on his own, he
confided that he missed playing with his friends in the neighborhood.
They used to ride bikes, have water-balloon fights and build forts out of
cardboard boxes. Now there wasn't time for those activities. "I really
like being in sports and everything," he said. "But not all that
much."
Kevin is not unusual. Millions of children across America feel
overwhelmed and pressured. Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist
and author of
The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting
Trap, believes that enrolling children in too many activities
is a nationwide problem. "Overscheduling our children is not only a
widespread phenomenon, it's how we parent today," he says. "Parents feel
remiss that they're not being good parents if their kids aren't in all
kinds of activities. Children are under pressure to achieve, to be
competitive. I know sixth-graders who are already working on their
résumés so they'll have an edge when they apply for
college."
Other child experts echo Rosenfeld's concerns. Andrée Aelion
Brooks, author and former New York Times journalist, was one of the first to
call attention to the overscheduled child. For her book Children of Fast-Track Parents she interviewed 80
mental health professionals and educators, in addition to 60 parents and
some 100 children. Brooks concluded that exposing children to
extracurricular activities too early is not necessarily a good idea. Some
children are not able to function well with so many responsibilities and
can develop stress disorders.
"Middle-class children in America are so overscheduled that they
have almost no 'nothing time.' They have no time to call on their own
resources and be creative. Creativity is making something out of nothing,
and it takes time for that to happen," says Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D., a
developmental and clinical psychologist and professor at The Wright
Institute in Berkeley, California. "In our efforts to produce Renaissance
children who are competitive in all areas, we squelch creativity."
Early-childhood-education specialist Peggy Patten, M.A., agrees and
notes that children today have many wonderful opportunities, but they
need time to explore things in depth. When they are involved in too many
different things, they sacrifice breadth for depth.
"Many children today don't have time to breathe. Parents think
their kids will grow up and remember all the wonderful activities they
were involved in," adds Melanie Coughlin, M.A., a licensed marriage and
family therapist and adjunct professor at California's Pepperdine
University. Coughlin, who counsels parents and children in private
practice, thinks children "will remember how exhausted they were and how
their parents were constantly yelling at them to hurry up and get ready
for the next activity."
Stress: Is it always a bad thing?
Stress is a natural response that occurs when we are threatened or
overwhelmed. Imagine you are on safari and an elephant charges you at
full speed. Your body would react with what has been called the
"fight-flight" response. Your heart rate shoots up, adrenaline floods
your bloodstream, your muscles tense and you learn that you can run a lot
faster than you thought. Such an experience would be intensely stressful,
but your body's response would be normal and might even save your
life.
Even in ordinary situations, stress is not always bad. Hans Selye,
M.D., one of the pioneers in stress research, believed that moderate
amounts of stress are actually good for us. He described two kinds of
stress: eustress and distress. Eustress is the pleasant stress we feel
when we confront the normal challenges of life. A child who enjoys
soccer, for example, may thrive on the pressure associated with practice
and games. Distress, on the other hand, occurs when we feel overwhelmed.
The same child who thrives on soccer may become overwhelmed if he is also
involved in four or five other activities.
What Johnny is missing
Tags:
alvin rosenfeld,
bikes,
brink,
cardboard boxes,
child,
childhood,
extracurricular activities,
forts,
full time,
fun,
grueling schedule,
homework,
household chores,
medical exam,
pediatrician,
piano lessons,
stress,
team sports,
water balloon fights,
work,
youngsters
