Last year I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm a "rapid cycler," more depressed than manic, and my mood constantly changes. I'm 37 years old. On top of being bipolar, I have anxiety and panic attacks. I've taken mood stabilizers, antidepressants and even anti-anxiety drugs, but I'm treatment resistant. I overdosed on both prescription and over-the-counter drugs, abused alcohol and ruined my liver, and can't tolerate any drugs now. I'm completely housebound with my moods and anxiety, and don't know what to do. When I'm depressed, I get suicidal. I would be dead if I didn't have my loving husband. I want to be well.
Your letter highlights the enormous range of difficulties associated with bipolar disorder: late (but better than never) diagnosis, ineffective treatment with antidepressants (which tend not to work well for bipolar disorder), self-injurious attempts to cope via whatever is at hand (alcohol and prescription and over-the-counter drugs) and the psychological toll on you and your relationships.
The presence of anxiety symptoms as extreme as panic attacks obviously compounds your difficulties. Unfortunately, anxiety and mood problems more often occur together than separately, and both need direct attention.
You do not say what kind of professional help you have been receiving, but seeking treatment despite your anxiety is essential. Medication and psychotherapy are the two major approaches, but electroconvulsive therapy is another option in cases as complex as yours, especially given liver problems.
You will need a liver specialist for whatever treatments might be available for your liver problem. Furthermore, a liver specialist may be able to recommend psychoactive drugs that your body can tolerate. Mood stabilizing medications are potentially helpful but require caution given your history.
Psychotherapy has been quite successful in the treatment of anxiety. Good psychotherapy for panic exists and has a high success rate. In fact, the anxiety part of your problems will likely be the easier to overcome.
You can learn effective self-help strategies for managing anxiety in a variety of ways. To start with, I recommend that you read this excellent book: Don't Panic!: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks (HarperCollins) by R. Reid Wilson, Ph.D. It is clear and concise in its explanations and strategy tips. It can also help you find an anxiety expert so that you can develop the anxiety management skills you will surely need to move ahead with your life.
Getting a handle on your anxiety will likely make it easier for you to regain a sense of control over your life, diminish the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that can lead you to feel suicidal, and make it easier for you to seek liver and other specialists who can be of help. It's a very good starting place for building some positive momentum in your life.
Tags:
37 years,
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bipolar,
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depression,
enormous range,
ineffective treatment,
liver problem,
liver problems,
liver specialist,
loving husband,
mood problems,
mood stabilizers,
mood stabilizing medications,
panic,
psychoactive drugs,
psychological toll,
therapy,
treatment of anxiety
