In Black and White
I am a white female dating a black male. This a big issue with my family and friends. I really love him but I have some doubts. He's been on drugs, sold drugs, and been in jail. He can't find a job because of this. He makes me feel special like no one has ever made me feel. What do I do?
Run as fast as you can as far as you can. Not because of the racial difference. But because he is manifestly unsuitable as a mate. Yes, lots of people get past addictions to lead stable and productive lives. You want to hook up with them, if at all, during the stable part of their lives, when the drugs are far behind them and they have found far more incentives to stay sober than to be high. Someone who's been deeply involved in drugs to warrant a prison term is too embedded in the lifestyle to undergo a miracle makeover. Only time will tell, but the fact that he can't find a job makes drug life all that more alluring. Ponder these questions: Exactly what is he doing to put distance between himself and his former life? Does he spend any time in healthy and rewarding activities? What safeguards has he placed in his life to keep him from going back on drugs when something goes wrong or he goes without a job for longer than he'd like? Is he involved only with friends who are supportive of his best habits, not his worst? And while you're at it, ask yourself what he does to make you feel so special? Too often, a woman feels special because her mate gets jealous easily and his possessiveness makes her feel unusually attractive or desirable. If that's making you feel special, run even faster, because it quickly becomes its own kind of prison; its source is his dependency and insecurity, not admiration for you. What you want is a relationship that's special, one founded on health, mutual trust and supportiveness.
