Q and A

I am a 21-year-old female, weigh 75 kilos and smoke. Every
time I try to get motivated I stop smoking and start to go walking, but
then I get so easily distracted and slack off. I never keep it up for
more than a day. Also, if there is something I have planned to do and
someone decides to do something else, I change my mind and do what they
are doing. I never do anything for me. How do I become more focused on
what I want and need, instead of the whole world?

Weak Minded

Some flexibility in life is desirable, and it's important in
maintaining relationships. but there is a big difference between
flexibility and complete lack of boundaries. Perhaps you constantly give
in to others out of need for approval. Living in fear of rejection keeps
you from developing your own sense of self. You can't maintain motivation
for any sustained effort—and stopping smoking and losing weight do
require constant effort and rededication to the effort—unless the
goals are truly yours and you want them for yourself. So spend some time
with yourself and clarify what you want. Make a list of what you really
want and every reason you want it. Be honest with yourself; you don't
have to show the list to anyone else. Then tackle only one goal at a
time. It is tempting fate too much to quit smoking and start dieting at
the same time. Keep your list in a place where you can refer to it
frequently. No one stays motivated all of the time; when motivation
flags, get out the list and remind yourself why you want that
goal.

Sixteen years ago much anxiety, panic and layers of stress
shut down my logical brain completely. I've spent the entire time since
regrowing my life. At this time I'd say that 95% is intact. Please tell
me what Psyched for Success would say are the 10 most important
standards to be sure one is living the right way.

Clyde

Not necessarily in order of importance, this is my list:

• Being kind to others, including children an animals

• Maintaining healthy and satisfying relationships with
others, which requires reasonably firm personal boundaries and
considerable flexibility.

• Finding someone with whom you can enjoy a committed loving
and intimate relationship

• Respecting that other people do things differently from you
and have a different perspective on things than you do

• Speaking up for yourself, or others, when you (or they) are
genuinely being taken advantage of or abused

• Doing meaningful work; remember, even street-sweeping is
important

• Constantly challenging yourself in some arena so that you
are always growing

• Creating some short-term, some middle-term and some
long-term goals to work towards so that you always have something to look
forward to and because happiness comes not from having but from striving
and making progress

• Playing hookey once in a while and enjoying it without
feeling guilty

• Laughing and seeing the humor in almost everything.