Dr. Epstein: I've read the books you've written so far-your fifth
one is coming out soon-and they all concern young children's
realizations. Why do you like to write for 4-to-8 year olds?
Curtis: Through my childhood and adult experiences I have developed
a real appreciation for that period in life, when you are developing the
framework of yourself, your mind. I think that a lot of the time,
development is fractured a little bit and you end up spending your
adulthood patching it up, or repairing it. I am focusing on something
that I identify with: a vulnerable child.
My 2-year-old daughter's favorite book is
When I Was Little.
That was actually the first book I ever wrote. It is about
self-realization. The subtitle is
A Four-Year-Old's Memoir of Her Youth, which is an
adult idea. It's the understanding that you exist and that what makes you
exist is the multitude of your experiences, some good, and some bad. It's
about development, growth and accomplishment.
You capture the voice of a young child extremely well in your
books.
I very clearly hear a child's voice in my head. These books are for
adults to read to their children; and that is a sacred time. It's a
profound exchange when a child sits on your lap and you read a book to
him or her.
Your forthcoming book is about self-esteem. Can you tell us about
it?
It's called
I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem.
Self-esteem-liking me and valuing me-was something that I didn't have
growing up, even though my parents tried and did the best they could to
change that. I've learned in my life that the things that give me
self-esteem are reaching out to other people, volunteerism and being
completely open and vulnerable to my children. I don't think praise
generates self-esteem. I think self-esteem comes from action. I am not
saying that I don't tell my kids I am proud of them. But I tell them I am
proud when I know they did something they've tried really hard to do, not
for every single thing that they do.
The reason many parents praise their children is because they think
they are building self-esteem.
Yes, but I don't think they are. I really believe it comes from
action. Unfortunately, we indulge our children; we get them anything they
want. All we do is see people getting things, and therefore, we want
those things. And I don't believe the acquisition of things makes a
person feel good.
Recent research in self-esteem suggests that low self-esteem is
damaging. It's associated with eating disorders, depression, suicidal
tendencies. But extremely high self-esteem is also problematic-it's
associated with racism and criminal and violent behavior. In other words,
many criminals have very high self-esteem.
A young child needs to develop a sense that he or she is a good and
valued human being on this earth. That is my goal in writing my books.
The number of obese children in this country is skyrocketing. Alcohol and
substance abuse have become epidemic. I look at all of these numbers and
I wonder, "What is making these people feel so badly about themselves
that they have to seek alternative ways to fill themselves up?" My books
are intended to help children develop healthy self-esteem and healthy
relationships with moods and feelings that are associated with their
various life experiences. That's my goal. I am not talking about somebody
with an over-inflated sense of self. I am talking about developing a
healthy, workable amount of self-esteem.
One recent study that measured self-esteem in children in
elementary school, junior high school and high school found that those
with high self-esteem were often unable to judge their abilities
realistically. Young people with moderate or even low self-esteem were
more realistic in their assessments, saying, "This is what I'm capable of
doing," or, "This is what I'm not capable of doing," with some accuracy.
Can't self-esteem be a liability, and, if so, what's the solution?
At my son's school, they make sack lunches for the homeless every
week. We also drive by a homeless person who sits in front of a 7-Eleven
near our home every day, and my son connects now. The sandwiches that he
made in school may have fed that person. He has a sense that maybe he did
something for someone else. He doesn't say he's feeding the world. He
doesn't believe he's the best person on the earth because he made lunch
for one homeless person. He simply realizes that perhaps his efforts
might have helped that person.
The Dalai Lama teaches exactly this. He says that you get a sense
of self-worth from helping others and that there's no other legitimate
way to get it. How is your own self-esteem these days?
It's much better than it ever has been, because it's built on
something concrete. I appreciate that people like my movies, but that is
not who I am. I am a wife and a mother of two children: a teenage girl
and a 6-year-old boy. And I write books for children. That is who I am,
and those are the elements that have given me the self-esteem that I have
today. Being in the movies gave me money, fame and notoriety, but it did
not give me self-esteem.
I've learned that it is my connection to my children and my husband
and my family and my friends-not being in the public eye-that gives me
self-esteem. When people want to get a picture of me, it actually makes
me feel like I'm in a freak show, like all I am is some thing.
Tags:
accomplishment,
adult experiences,
favorite book,
forthcoming book,
little bit,
multitude,
realizations,
sacred time,
self esteem,
self realization,
subtitle,
time development,
voice in my head,
volunteerism,
vulnerable child
