Sex and Your Psyche

Sexual dysfunction is a problem for many. Here's what you can do about it.

By Michael Seeber, Carin Gorrell, published on November 01, 2001 - last reviewed on July 31, 2006

Her Benefits

Pain relief: Orgasms help alleviate menstrual cramps. In addition, studies have shown that a woman's pain threshold increases substantially during orgasm.
Enhanced mood: According to University of Virginia researchers, orgasms boost levels of the female sex hormone estrogen, which in turn betters your mood and helps ease premenstrual symptoms. They also release endorphins, the body's natural painkillers and depression fighters.
Increased intimacy: Oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of intimacy, jumps to five times its normal level during climax.
Easier rest: Oxytocin also induces drowsiness. For women, sleepiness comes about 20 to 30 minutes after orgasm. Men, on the other hand, usually drift off after only two to five minutes.
Less stress: Stress in women is highly correlated with arousal difficulties, lack of libido and anorgasmia, the inability to reach orgasm, according to one 1999 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Just 20 minutes of intercourse, however, releases the lust-enhancing hormone dopamine, triggering a relaxation response that lasts up to two hours.

Physiologically speaking, male and female orgasms are surprisingly similar. The related problems men and women experience, however, are distinctly different.

"There are men who can't orgasm, but I think it's less than I percent of men," says Jed Kaminetsky, M.D., a professor of urology at New York University and director of the school's male sexual dysfunction clinic. "That's a much less common problem than premature ejaculation."

A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that premature ejaculation is even more common than erectile dysfunction, especially among younger men. As with most sex-related problems, it affects both partners—some studies suggest that nearly 30 percent of couples report premature ejaculation as the most prevalent sexual problem in their relationship. One major obstacle to treating it is simply defining the problem to begin with.

"It depends on the relationship," Kaminetsky explains. "If a woman takes an hour to orgasm and the man can last 40 minutes, that's premature ejaculation for that couple." At the other extreme, one minute is too short an amount of time for most couples. "Not too many women are going to climax within a minute."

Kaminetsky also sees truth in Whipple's assessment of goal-oriented versus pleasure-oriented interactions. "Men are very goal oriented; they see a task and they want to successfully perform that task," he says. "Often that task is to make their partner have an orgasm. If the woman knows that, she feels like a laboratory animal—it's not a very sexy thing. That's why women fake orgasms, which is a sign of lack of communication in a relationship."

Premature Ejaculation

Rarely a physiological problem, premature ejaculation can result from over-excitement, positioning or rate of intercourse. "The roots of it go back to the way men learn to orgasm, which is typically through masturbation," suggests Kaminetsky. "A lot of young boys masturbate quickly, because they don't want their mom to walk in on them. It becomes a trained behavior." To treat premature ejaculation, experts suggest changing positions, breathing deeply, thinking about something other than sex or simply stopping for a moment. Here, Kaminetsky offers two additional techniques for delaying orgasm:

Practice this before reaching "ejaculatory inevitability," the point when ejaculation cannot be stopped; most men recognize it as a sensation of deep warmth or pleasure: Squeeze the head of the penis for about four seconds or until the sensation subsides, then resume.
During intercourse, the man should press his pelvic bone against the woman's and rock rather than thrust his body. "It won't be as stimulating for him so he'll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for the woman."

His Benefits

Long life: Men who have two or more orgasms a week tend to live significantly longer than do those who have only one or none, according to research at Cardiff University in Wales.
Less cancer: Breast cancer is rare in men, but once developed, the mortality rate is high. Fortunately, a study published in the British Journal of Cancer found that men who have more than six orgasms a month are significantly less likely to develop breast cancer than are those who have less frequent sex.
Healthy hearts: A study of 2,500 men at the University of Bristol and Queens University of Belfast found that men who have at least three or more orgasms a week are 50 percent less likely to die from heart failure or coronary heart disease.
Good health: Having sex once or twice a week also fights off the flu and other viruses by strengthening the immune system, psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania recently found.
Youthful looks: A study of 3,500 aging people at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland found that those who looked the youngest also had the most vigorous sex life. The effects were even greater if the subjects were emotionally satisfied as well.