Whiny, arrogant, rude, violent. America's children are showing
their bad side. Child psychologist Jacob Azerrad, Ph.D., and Paul Chance,
Ph.D., show us what we can do to save our children.
Michael is out of control. He has several temper tantrums a day,
throws food during meals, deliberately breaks toys and household items,
hits and bites his younger brother and sister and refuses to comply with
reasonable requests. Asked to put away his toys or go to bed, the
5-year-old replies, "No. And you can't make me." He is, in truth, a very
unpleasant child. He is also very unhappy: No one can behave as he does
and feel good about himself or be pleased with life.
We seem to be in the midst of an epidemic of Michaels. I have been
a child psychologist for 35 years, and each year I see parents dealing
with more and more severe problems. Their children are not just
ill-mannered, they are whiny, selfish, arrogant, rude, defiant and
violent. Most of them are also miserable, as are their parents.
Such disgraceful behavior in young children predicts serious
problems later in life. As adolescents they are more likely to drop out
of school, use drugs, engage in delinquency and be clinically depressed.
And when I read newspaper articles about road rage, commuter rage and
office rage it seems to me that many out-of-control children are growing
up to be out-of-control adults.
Why are there so many out-of-control children today? Many
explanations have been proposed: high-sugar diets, environmental toxins,
allergies, television, psychiatric disorders. In considering these
theories, it is useful to note that the rise in outrageous child behavior
is largely an American phenomenon. Psychologist Tiffany Field, Ph.D., of
the University of Miami School of Medicine, found that in France, for
example, 3-year-olds behave admirably in restaurants. They sit quietly
and talk and eat their meals like "little adults." They do not argue or
throw food or refuse to eat as many American children do.
In a separate study, Field noted another major difference in the
behavior of French and American preschoolers: On playgrounds, French
youngsters were aggressive toward their playmates only 1 percent of the
time; American preschoolers, by contrast, were aggressive 29 percent of
the time. It is probably not a coincidence that France has the lowest
murder rate in the industrialized world, and the United States has the
highest.
Can such dramatic differences in behavior between advanced,
industrialized nations be accounted for by differences in diet, toxins,
allergies, television or psychiatric disorders? It seems extremely
unlikely, and I have found no scientific evidence to support these
theories. I suggest that the fundamental reason behind so many more
American children running amok is child-rearing practices.
Let me explain: Studies have consistently shown that the problem
behavior of children is typically the result of misplaced adult
attention. In a study done many years ago, psychologist Betty Hart,
Ph.D., and her colleagues at the University of Washington, studied the
effects of attention on Bill, a 4-year-old "crybaby" enrolled in a
morning preschool. Each morning Bill had between five and 10 crying
spells: He cried when he fell, bumped his head or if another child took
away a toy. Each time Bill cried a teacher went to him to offer comfort.
Hart and her colleagues reasoned that this adult attention, though
intended to reassure and comfort Bill, might actually be the reason for
all his crying.
To test their hypothesis, the researchers asked the teachers to try
a new strategy. Now when Bill cried, the teachers glanced at him to be
sure he was not injured but did not go to him, speak to him or look at
him. If he happened to cry when a teacher was nearby, she turned her back
or walked away. Teachers paid special attention to Bill only when he
suffered a mishap without crying. If he fell, for example, and went about
his business without a whimper, a teacher would go to him and compliment
him on his grown-up behavior. The result of this new approach: In five
days the frequency of Bill's crying spells fell from an average of about
seven per morning to almost zero.
To be certain that Bill's change in behavior was because of the new
strategy, Hart and colleagues asked the teachers to once again pay
attention to Bill when he cried. Bill returned to crying several times a
day. When the teachers again ignored the crying and attended to Bill only
when he acted maturely, the crying spells dropped sharply. Hart and her
coworkers repeated this experiment with another "crybaby," Alan, and got
nearly identical results.
Similarly, researchers have shown that the disruptive behavior of
school children is often a result of adult attention. In studies of
elementary school classrooms, for example, researchers found some
students repeatedly left their seats without good reason. Typically the
teacher interrupted the lesson to reprimand them. But these efforts often
increased the frequency of wandering. When the teacher ignored children
who wandered and paid attention to those who worked hard, the frequency
of the problem behavior usually fell sharply. It may seem odd that
reprimands, threats and criticism can actually reward bad behavior, but
such is the tremendous power of adult attention. When children can get
attention by behaving well, they do.
Tags:
3 year olds,
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behavior,
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jacob azerrad,
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paul chance,
psychiatric disorders,
psychologist tiffany field,
reinforcement,
school of medicine,
temper tantrums,
university of miami,
university of miami school of medicine,
violent america
