Predicting the future is impossible--andwhen we try we lose
control,
HOW OFTEN HAVE WE BEEN OVERWHELMED, FEELING THAT THE WORLD IS TOO
MUCH FOR US? "I HAVE TO GET THAT REPORT OUT THIS WEEK," "MY CHILD HAS TO
GET THIS DONE OR SHE WON'T GET INTO THAT COLLEGE," "HOW WILL I EVER
COMPLETE THIS BEFORE ALL MY GUESTS ARRIVE?"
Feeling overwhelmed is a result of getting caught up in our own
predictions. Consider a cycle that we may unintentionally begin, one that
leaves us feeling disappointed, incompetent and out of control. The cycle
starts by predicting the result of some action. Next we think about how
nice it would be to have that result. So far, so good. But now, other
actions we might have considered have passed, and considering the
possible downside of accomplishing what we first set out to do doesn't
even occur to us. As we continue forward, we increasingly focus our
attention on what we believe we must accomplish to reach the goal, and
the desired end result grows in importance.
Now the problems begin. We experience unexpected frustration. It's
not going to be as easy as we first anticipated. So we increase our
efforts, and, in so doing, we implicitly raise the value of the end
result. If these efforts pay off, that's fine. But too often they don't.
What began as a prediction of a nice outcome and how to make it happen
has now become a single-minded pursuit that we have let define us. "If I
can't get that report out, I'm a failure." "If she doesn't get into that
college, her life won't be the same." "If all of the preparations aren't
done in time, it's because I'm incompetent."
We almost arbitrarily choose an action, excitedly pursue it,
mindlessly lose perspective, and then the action controls us. We get
caught. Only later, when we gain perspective, do we typically come to
realize that life goes on much as it did before we were caught.
If we want to control our actions-rather than be controlled by
them--we might consider going back to our original prediction. After all,
this is where we end up after the dust has settled. When feeling
overwhelmed, we could remove ourselves from the situation, and question
whether we should be so certain that the outcome we want has no hidden
costs, and whether the actions we think will lead us to that outcome are
the right ones to take. Rarely are we overwhelmed by what is familiar.
When it's familiar, we just do it.
Just think about it: If we are on an unfamiliar path, why should we
assume it has to travel any particular way? "How can we be sure that the
report would not have chased the client away, rather than clinch the
deal? .... How can we know that one particular college is the right one
for her?" "If the dessert is extraordinary, the conversation may seem
less so." We cannot know. When we later have perspective and consider
these possibilities, we often feel we are rationalizing. And because we
think we are lying to ourselves, we don't often recognize how we were
swept into the overwhelming cycle in the first place.
While it may seem like rationalization when we think about these
things after the fact, retaining some uncertainty about our predictions
beforehand might be wise. And with this wisdom, we can break out of--or
even prevent--the cycle, and rather than getting caught, we can maintain
control.
Ellen J. Langer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Harvard
University. She is the author of The Power of Mindful Learning (Perseus,
1997) and Mindfulness (Perseus, 1989).
